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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

#countries #laws #limit #hours #employees #development
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In
this
 contemporary era,
people
 are required to
work
 limited
hours
 as some laws are introduced by certain governments
due to
 some drawbacks of working more
hours
. I believe
this
 is a positive change. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why
this
 rule is implemented and verify my side by including some evidence.
To begin
 with, the main reason behind the government implementing
this
 rule is to reduce the
work
stress
, anxiety and illness of their citizens.
This
 is to say that, if
people
work
 for longer
hours
 they might get heavy
stress
 which may affect their mental health.
Due to
 working for more periods,
people
 may suffer from anxiety owing to less sleep
time
 which might result in sickness.
Therefore
, to avoid
such
 circumstances government is planning to minimize the number of job
hours
.
For instance
, in Japan, the
time
 off
work
 is already reduced to 8
hours
 per day. Because of
this
, the
stress
 of workers is reduced and they have high sleeping
time
 which helps to improve their health.
Moreover
, I agree that these changes have not been only beneficial to employees they can
also
 get advantages from
this
 change in various aspects.
After
this
 improvement
people
 can spend quality
time
 with their family and they can enjoy their free
time
 in quiet and relaxing places.
In addition
,
people
 will be more energetic if they get proper rest and
this
 will bring more impact and positive result to their working place. To encapsulate, working rules have reduced individuals'
work
stress
 and illness.
Additionally
,
people
 can spend their quality
time
 with their belongingness.
Submitted by cranjal07 on

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task achievement
Some points in the essay could benefit from clearer elaboration. Make sure to provide more detailed reasons or examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine the way ideas are linked between paragraphs to create a smoother and more cohesive flow in the essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s stance on it, which is good for setting the context of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the response well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
What to do next:
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