In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cultures #children #message

In some parts of the world,

children

are encouraged

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they do their best, they

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

reach their

goals

Although

this

attitude has multiple positive effects on

children

, it is argued that it has some negative impacts on their characters. Most of the advantages of encouraging

children

to try hard

Change the verb form

are

show examples

psychological. It is said that if

children

have

this

spirit, they become more confident and hardly disappointed. If they choose a goal, since they believe they can achieve it if they are hardworking enough, they do their best and become tireless. Studies show that in most cases, they become successful and even if they do not, they appreciate that they have done their best.

Moreover

, they become more

ambitous

Correct your spelling

ambitious

and do not consider any limit

for

Change preposition

show examples

their

goals

which

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them motivated.

On the other hand

, not everyone

reach

Change the verb form

reaches

show examples

their

goals

and a great number of them will fail, which can have

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

negative influence. If a person with a fragile spirit chooses a goal and tries his best but does not achieve it, may become

disappinted

Correct your spelling

disappointed

. These kinds of people may experience a sense of depression or feel anxiety

due to

failure.

In addition

, they may become stressful for the rest of their lives and may not leave their safe zones any more. These negative effects may

last

for their whole lives and never be able to recover. It can be concluded that

although

having

ambition

Replace the word

ambitious

show examples

goals

might make some

children

hardworking or confident,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

it should be considered that not all

children

have the same personality and they may not always

response

Replace the word

respond

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

failure in a positive way.

Submitted by mr.amirentezari on Tue Oct 01 2024

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task achievement

Provide a clearer and more specific examples to illustrate your points and make them more relatable.

coherence and cohesion

Work on refining the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful and informative, summing up the main points clearly.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure and the arguments are presented clearly and orderly.

task achievement

You have provided a well-rounded discussion covering both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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