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Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cultures #children #message
In some parts of the world,
children
 are encouraged
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they do their best, they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reach their
goals
.
Although
this
 attitude has multiple positive effects on
children
, it is argued that it has some negative impacts on their characters. Most of the advantages of encouraging
children
 to try hard
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 psychological. It is said that if
children
 have
this
 spirit, they become more confident and hardly disappointed. If they choose a goal, since they believe they can achieve it if they are hardworking enough, they do their best and become tireless. Studies show that in most cases, they become successful and even if they do not, they appreciate that they have done their best.
Moreover
, they become more
ambitous
Correct your spelling
ambitious
 and do not consider any limit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
goals
 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them motivated.
On the other hand
, not everyone
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
show examples
 their
goals
 and a great number of them will fail, which can have
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 negative influence. If a person with a fragile spirit chooses a goal and tries his best but does not achieve it, may become
disappinted
Correct your spelling
disappointed
. These kinds of people may experience a sense of depression or feel anxiety
due to
 failure.
In addition
, they may become stressful for the rest of their lives and may not leave their safe zones any more. These negative effects may
last
 for their whole lives and never be able to recover. It can be concluded that
although
 having
ambition
Replace the word
ambitious
show examples
goals
 might make some
children
 hardworking or confident,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it should be considered that not all
children
 have the same personality and they may not always
response
Replace the word
respond
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
failure in a positive way.
Submitted by mr.amirentezari on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer and more specific examples to illustrate your points and make them more relatable.
coherence and cohesion
Work on refining the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful and informative, summing up the main points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and the arguments are presented clearly and orderly.
task achievement
You have provided a well-rounded discussion covering both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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