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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that advertisements take great effect on the economy, and others think that they excel more in social impact. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There are many reasons why a lot of people think that public advertisement has different kinds of influence,
such
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 as the
effect
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 they have on the
economy
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, and the social
impacts
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 they create
due to
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 the lack of individuals always needing more and rarely having the feeling of being satisfied. Even though the social
impacts
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 they have are present, I strongly believe that
advertisements
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 have more positive effects on the
economy
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 compared to the latter. The positive effects that the
economy
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 receives from
advertisements
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 are very evident, as it immensely helps the sales of certain
products
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 that depend on them. At
first
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first,
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 glance, even if the
products
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 are visibly mediocre or low quality,
advertisements
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 can help them thrive in the market, taking great
effect
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 and making the said
products
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 greatly more appealing, resulting in a large shift in the
economy
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, helping the company that produces the advertised
products
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.
On the other hand
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, the social
impacts
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 of advertisement are surely present, but it does not have as big of an
effect
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 compared to the
economy
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, since
advertisements
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 cannot appeal to every single person each with different needs. The impact on society that
advertisements
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 produce can be immense, taking the example of McDonald's Japanese anime-centred ads, as it created a big opportunity for other companies to use the same tactic and appeal more to those kinds of people. In conclusion,
although
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 the social
impacts
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 that
advertisements
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 make are evidently there, it does not make as much impact or
effect
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 compared to what they serve to the
economy
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, as the
effect
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 is greater and more impactful
overall
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 because of the power to shift the industry of wherever their product is categorized at.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, but you need to present clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Work on developing each argument with more depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion; however, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, and transitions between ideas need to be smoother.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Your existing examples are good, but adding a few more would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to good coherence.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument and provide your own opinion, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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