Some people think that advertisements take great effect on the economy, and others think that they excel more in social impact. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are many reasons why a lot of people think that public advertisement has different kinds of influence,
such
as the
effect
they have on the
economy
, and the social
impacts
they create
due to
the lack of individuals always needing more and rarely having the feeling of being satisfied. Even though the social
impacts
they have are present, I strongly believe that
advertisements
have more positive effects on the
economy
compared to the latter. The positive effects that the
economy
receives from
advertisements
are very evident, as it immensely helps the sales of certain
products
that depend on them. At
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
glance, even if the
products
are visibly mediocre or low quality,
advertisements
can help them thrive in the market, taking great
effect
and making the said
products
greatly more appealing, resulting in a large shift in the
economy
, helping the company that produces the advertised
products
.
On the other hand
, the social
impacts
of advertisement are surely present, but it does not have as big of an
effect
compared to the
economy
, since
advertisements
cannot appeal to every single person each with different needs. The impact on society that
advertisements
produce can be immense, taking the example of McDonald's Japanese anime-centred ads, as it created a big opportunity for other companies to use the same tactic and appeal more to those kinds of people. In conclusion,
although
the social
impacts
that
advertisements
make are evidently there, it does not make as much impact or
effect
compared to what they serve to the
economy
, as the
effect
is greater and more impactful
overall
because of the power to shift the industry of wherever their product is categorized at.
Submitted by millionmiles.indonesia on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, but you need to present clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Work on developing each argument with more depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion; however, make sure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, and transitions between ideas need to be smoother.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Your existing examples are good, but adding a few more would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to good coherence.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument and provide your own opinion, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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