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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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 believe that the happiest
time
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 of most
people
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's lives is the adolescent
years
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while
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 others believe that despite greater responsibility, adulthood is happier.
Although
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 grown-ups are more flexible to
use
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 their
money
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 and
time
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, I think that
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years
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 are the happiest
time
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 of
people
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's lives because of the lack of
responsibilities
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 in
teen
Correct article usage
the teen
show examples
years
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. On the one hand, adult
people
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 are taught to be more happy because they can spend their own
money
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 and
time
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 freely. Since they receive their
money
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 through their own effort, they can
use
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 their
money
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however
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 they want to.
Moreover
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, outside of their work, most adults can
use
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 their
time
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 to do whatever they like and make themselves happy.
For example
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, many
people
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 choose to move from their parent's house after graduating from university just to be able to freely choose their own way of life in order to be happy.
However
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, I believe that the trade-offs of the responsibility to maintain a job are much more compared to the benefits.
On the other hand
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, others see the teen
years
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 as the happiest
time
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 because, in their teen
years
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, many
people
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 do not have strict
responsibilities
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.
Although
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 most of them have to go to school and do
students'
Fix the agreement mistake
student'
show examples
responsibilities
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, a lot of young
people
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's lives are still supported by their parents.
As a result
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, except for their
time
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 in school, most teens are not burdened with any
responsibilities
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, so they can happily do the things that they want to do.
For instance
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, many adults stop doing things they used to like,
such
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 as playing music and sports, because they have to work from 9-5.
Therefore
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, I believe the teenage
years
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 are the happiest
time
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 because many
people
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 are able to do the things that they like without the worry of any
responsibilities
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.
To conclude
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, many believe that adulthood is the happiest
time
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 because of the freedom of the adults.
Conversely
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, I believe that the teen
years
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 are the happiest
time
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due to
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 the fact that many young
people
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use
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 their
time
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 freely and do not have to worry about any
responsibilities
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, except going to school.

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task achievement
Strengthen the argument by providing additional examples and evidence. For example, you could include studies, surveys, or real-life instances that support the main points.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the transitions between paragraphs even smoother. This will enhance the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction that effectively sets the stage for the discussion.
supported main points
Each paragraph presents a main point and supports it with logical reasoning and relevant examples.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and provides a clear statement of the writer's opinion.
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