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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #hours
Need
Correct article usage
The need
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 for human
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 is decreased with the development of high-level technologies and it is expected that
this
 should lead to
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 working
hours
. I totally agree with
this
 statement
due to
Change preposition
for
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 several reasons.
To begin
 with,
rapid
Add an article
the rapid
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 growth of AI and automation are the main motives that
supports
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support
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 my viewpoint. Artificial intelligence
have
Change the verb form
has
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 specific fields like computer vision or natural language processing which can handle the tasks performed by employees without expertise like writing emails, filling data fields on documents and many more.
Additionally
, nowadays automation removes the need for the physical strength of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
Special
Change the adjective
Specially
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 designed robots are used in developed factories to accomplish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 which is very hard or repetitive. Advanced car manufacturers like Tesla or Volkswagen already use fully autonomous production.
Moreover
,
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
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 of remote and flexible
hours
 and
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 benefits of less working time
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
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 why my point of view is valid.
Firstly
, a very small part of the jobs in the market require physical activity. Most vacations involve soft skills like problem-solving
,
Correct word choice
and, ability
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ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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 to
work
 with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
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 and hard skills like programming, marketing, accounting and others which makes it possible to
work
 remotely.
Secondly
, reduced working
hours
 can help employees to maintain a good
work
-life balance and let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
spend more time on creativity and innovation. People
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not waste a lot on
work
 can split their time equally both for creativity and social life. In conclusion, I firmly believe that working
hours
 should be reduced because of
technologies’
Change noun form
technologies
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 development and their integration
to
Change preposition
into
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 our daily life,
as well as
 the benefits of
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 working
hours
. Even if these technologies are not applicable
for
Change preposition
to
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 most companies, it is recommended to benefit them and create employee satisfaction.
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language clarity
Work on expanding and varying vocabulary. Some terms and phrases are repeated, which can make the essay seem less sophisticated.
grammar
Try to refine certain sections to improve clarity and eliminate minor grammatical mistakes. For example, 'writing emails, filling data fields on documents and many more' can be 'writing emails, filling in data fields on documents, and more.'
specific examples
Focus on providing more specific real-world examples or studies to add weight to your arguments. For instance, mentioning a case study or statistics could make your points more compelling.
introduction
The introduction sets the stage well by clearly stating the writer's stance, making it easy for readers to follow the subsequent arguments.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes and reiterates the key points while also adding a recommendation, which strengthens the argument.
logical flow
The logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay, and there is a clear progression from one idea to the next.

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