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Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
In many countries
people
 argue about the length of the working week and present the idea that the week should have fewer working
days
 ,
however
,
this
 essay disagrees with the given statement because it is a too radical reform that can be harmful to the economy.
Therefore
, it is unnecessary for
people
 who already have a regulated time for a weekend. In terms of precipitation, the modern work system is regulated and
people
 have two
days
 for rest which is definitely enough for most of the employed citizens.
Furthermore
, in many states,
people
 have extra weekend
days
 in times of celebration, and sometimes the sum of the holidays can surpass 20-30
days
.
For instance
, in the Islamic Republic of Iran , folk have 27
days
 for leisure without the regular weekends.
While
, if the number of weekends(104) is added to the celebration
days
 , the given number can overtake one-third of the annum
days
.
On the other hand
, it has more negative effects than positive on the economy because , with the reduction of the work period , any job starts to be less profitable because a decline in the period decreases salaries ,and pushes workers to find a second job that can be hard.
For instance
, in the US , a group of scientists was trying to implement the short-week system in small villages.
Therefore
, the experiment failed for reason that most of the villagers had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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necessity
in
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overqualification to find a new job cause on the old they didn't have enough money. In conclusion , the modern week is a very important thing that has no need for reforms,
moreover
, it can lead the economy to crisis in some republics.
Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on

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task achievement
Your essay needs clearer and more specific examples to support your main points better. Try to use relevant statistics or real-world examples.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly explained and expanded. Some points feel rushed and lack deeper explanation.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your transitions between ideas smoother. This will help your essay flow better and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Avoid making general statements without adequate support. Ensure each main idea is backed with solid reasoning and evidence.
general
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well.
task achievement
You've attempted to support your points with relevant examples, which is good practice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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