It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, there has been person's spirit and career
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
number
of Change the article
a number
the number
people
who claim that it is impossible to achieve desireble
goals without Correct your spelling
desirable
desired
appropriate
skill calledCorrect article usage
the appropriate
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
risk
taking, both in career lives and personal
. In Change the word
personally
this
essay, I am going to descuss
both views, before choosing which side Correct your spelling
discuss
is outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweighs
one
Correct determiner usage
the
another
.
On the Correct quantifier usage
other
one
hand, live
with Wrong verb form
living
risk
is likely to be full of surprises. Despite the fact that risk
is unproven and where it has always inscribed
with luck, it is still Add a missing verb
been inscribed
one
of the criteria that can change one
's live
both in Replace the word
life
positive
and negative side. Add an article
the positive
Risk
is the treatment against fear and hesitation. Individual
in work, namely had been scared by putting his or her name on Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
condidacy
, hereby Correct your spelling
candidacy
loosing
the chance of being Correct your spelling
losing
one
of the eminent and most successful chief's
, Change noun form
chiefs
likewise
cover
up tons of career opportunities. In the personal Wrong verb form
covering
one
, a lot of people
are hesitating
to reveal their emotions, Wrong verb form
hesitate
Correct word choice
and felling
felling
about them, in the same Correct your spelling
feeling
way
their life would be filled with Add the comma(s)
way,
Correct article usage
a sence
sence
of self-blame or depression.
Correct your spelling
sense
On the other hand
, more often than notAdd a hyphen
risk-taking
risk
taking can end up with
breakingChange preposition
apply
Correct article usage
a
live
. Rephrase
apply
People
understand the risk taking
, Add a hyphen
risk-taking
as
the activity which guarantees 100% accuracy and success, whilst in Correct pronoun usage
it as
reality
it is not. Add a comma
reality,
Ones
Replace the word
One
,
can bet their all wealth on various bet games, Remove the comma
apply
whic
contributes to Correct your spelling
which
the
family breakdown and Correct article usage
apply
buncruptsy
. Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
With
Change preposition
In
another
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
words
Add a comma
words,
risk
does not always match with that
side, which Correct determiner usage
the
people
hope for.
To sum up
, despite that risk
does not always end up with that
result that it's participants looking for, indeed, I personally believe that Correct determiner usage
the
risk
enforce
individuals Change the verb form
enforces
live
with emotion and travel, which decorates andFix the infinitive
to live
enhance
character.Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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task response
Ensure that you address all parts of the question clearly and comprehensively. While you mentioned some advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, the essay lacks a clear stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion. An effective introduction sets the context for the essay and briefly outlines the main points. The conclusion should summarize the key arguments and clearly state your final position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are logically connected. Use appropriate linking words to improve flow and coherence. For instance, the transition between ideas in your second paragraph could be smoother.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of abstract statements, give concrete examples from real-life situations. This will make your arguments more persuasive and engaging.
language usage
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Although small inaccuracies don’t significantly impact the score, frequent errors can hinder clarity and readability. Consider proofreading your work or using tools to check for common grammatical issues.
task response
You have made a good attempt at addressing the topic and presenting arguments about the risks in professional and personal lives.
language usage
You have used some relevant vocabulary and attempted to convey complex ideas. Keep building on this strength by learning and incorporating more advanced vocabulary and varied sentence structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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