IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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These days, there has been
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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number
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a number
the number
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 of
people
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 who claim that it is impossible to achieve
desireble
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desirable
desired
 goals without
appropriate
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the appropriate
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 skill called
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
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risk
Use synonyms
 taking, both in career lives and
personal
Change the word
personally
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to
descuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both views, before choosing which side
is outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweighs
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Use synonyms
one
Correct determiner usage
the
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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. On the
one
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 hand,
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 with
risk
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 is likely to be full of surprises. Despite the fact that
risk
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 is unproven and where it has always
inscribed
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been inscribed
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 with luck, it is still
one
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 of the criteria that can change
one
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's
live
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life
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 both in
positive
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the positive
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 and negative side.
Risk
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 is the treatment against fear and hesitation.
Individual
Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
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 in work, namely had been scared by putting his or her name on
condidacy
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candidacy
, hereby
loosing
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losing
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 the chance of being
one
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 of the eminent and most successful
chief's
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chiefs
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,
likewise
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cover
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covering
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 up tons of career opportunities. In the personal
one
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, a lot of
people
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are hesitating
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hesitate
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 to reveal their emotions,
Correct word choice
and felling
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felling
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feeling
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 about them, in the same
way
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way,
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 their life would be filled with
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a sence
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sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of self-blame or depression.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, more often than not
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risk-taking
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risk
Use synonyms
 taking can end up
with
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apply
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breaking
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a
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person's spirit and career
live
Rephrase
apply
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.
People
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 understand the
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risk taking
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
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,
as
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it as
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 the activity which guarantees 100% accuracy and success, whilst in
reality
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reality,
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 it is not.
Ones
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One
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,
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apply
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 can bet their all wealth on various bet games,
whic
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which
 contributes to
the
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apply
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family breakdown and
buncruptsy
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bankruptcy
.
With
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In
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another
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
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words
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words,
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risk
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 does not always match with
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 side, which
people
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 hope for.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite that
risk
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 does not always end up with
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 result that it's participants looking for, indeed, I personally believe that
risk
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enforce
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enforces
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 individuals
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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 with emotion and travel, which decorates and
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 character.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task response
Ensure that you address all parts of the question clearly and comprehensively. While you mentioned some advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, the essay lacks a clear stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion. An effective introduction sets the context for the essay and briefly outlines the main points. The conclusion should summarize the key arguments and clearly state your final position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are logically connected. Use appropriate linking words to improve flow and coherence. For instance, the transition between ideas in your second paragraph could be smoother.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of abstract statements, give concrete examples from real-life situations. This will make your arguments more persuasive and engaging.
language usage
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Although small inaccuracies don’t significantly impact the score, frequent errors can hinder clarity and readability. Consider proofreading your work or using tools to check for common grammatical issues.
task response
You have made a good attempt at addressing the topic and presenting arguments about the risks in professional and personal lives.
language usage
You have used some relevant vocabulary and attempted to convey complex ideas. Keep building on this strength by learning and incorporating more advanced vocabulary and varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: