In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is positive or a negative development?

Urbanisation is constantly progressing over the world, which has inevitably resulted in a decrease in the rural population. From my perspective,
this
phenomenon, on the one hand, helps
peasants
access high-quality public resources;
on the other hand
, these "new citizens" could be severely exploited without systematic support for them. Before expounding on the issue, I would like to explore the benefits of urbanisation for the rural population. One of the most important is that when migrating to
cities
,
peasants
can more easily utilise high-quality resources, including municipal schools, top hospitals, and convenient transport systems which are usually concentrated in
cities
. My grandmother, who spent most of her life in the outskirts, was surprised that it took only three yuan to cross thirty kilometres by the underground, which is inconceivable in rural areas.
This
to some degree suggests that migration to
cities
can improve farmers' living standards.
Nevertheless
, what we have to note is that
this
is often theoretically possible. In many cases,
peasants
who move to
cities
not only do not enjoy urban conveniences but
also
are systematically exploited by the
cities
they choose. One compelling example may be Chinese "peasant workers", which means they live in
cities
and pay corresponding taxes but are not allowed to register their children in urban schools, and the local government will not cover any of their medical expenses.
This
may sound absurd and cruel, but
this
is true. Exorbitant living costs in
cities
and negligible support from local governments usually make peasant workers struggle with poverty, which is even more abhorrent when against the prosperity of those
cities
. Seen from
this
aspect, urbanisation is radically worrying. To summarise, theoretically speaking, migrating to
cities
is helpful to improve
peasants
' living standards
,
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since there are a large amount of resources.
Nonetheless
, unfortunately, the lack of supporting policies has transformed migration into systematic exploitation against
peasants
, which must raise enough awareness of governments.
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task achievement
While your essay is clear and well-organized, you could enhance the task achievement by addressing both perspectives—both positive and negative—in greater detail. For example, you could discuss more potential benefits and drawbacks for rural populations moving to cities.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. However, consider using more transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. This would help in making the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported well with relevant examples, but try to expand on your examples slightly to make your arguments even stronger. For instance, you could elaborate more on the specific ways urban living can improve or harm the lives of rural migrants.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of both the positive and negative aspects of rural-urban migration, which shows a mature understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-organized essay with clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point related to the topic. This strong structure makes your arguments easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of a personal anecdote (your grandmother) adds a compelling and relatable element to your argument, enhancing the relevance of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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