The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. (Đức Trung)

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In the modern era,
technology
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is really popular in the world.
This
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has had many personal
information
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of many
people
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. Some folks believe the
internet
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causes harm to private life. In my view, it brings more benefit than damage. There are many reasons why some
people
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think that
technology
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is leaking some personal
data
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. In fact, hackers can find your
information
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and buy it for their harmful goals. So everyone worries about privacy on the
internet
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.
Moreover
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, some links can trick young
people
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into providing personal
data
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to receive rewards rather than scam them out of their money.
For example
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, someone received a notice that had won one thousand dollars and required you to enter personal
information
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immediately. It could be a scam. In my opinion, we
also
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don't provide personal
information
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for fake links and use the
internet
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like an intelligent partner to help store
data
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. The world is coming to a modernization era when every personal
data
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is controlled by the government.
This
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helps our lives become faster and more convenient.
People
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do not worry when forget money because smartphones will help to pay for goods. Now, many
people
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often go out with only smartphones. They can do everything
such
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as shopping, drinking and buying food. There are many apps protecting personal
information
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. So individuals can download apps and trust the
internet
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. In conclusion, the
technology
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brings some risks but the person can deal with them. The
Internet
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can help us remember
data
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and use them when needed. It is really convenient in the
technology
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era.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the overall argument.
task achievement
Clarify complex ideas to make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized introduction and conclusion, providing a clear stance.
task achievement
Good attempt to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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