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Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？

#students #work #travel #school #university #people #adult #life #statement？
In recent years, it has become increasingly common that many graduates from high school prefer working or travelling to only staying at home.
However
, some people hold the view that working
experience
 is more useful and precious than travel. Personally, I tend to disagree with
this
 view. One main reason in favour of my opinion is that travelling is a great method to improve one's comprehensive abilities, which are valuable in adult life. Before a tour, many factors, including transport, housing, food and so on, need to be taken into consideration and sometimes a traveller should change the tourist attractions
due to
 the change in weather or some accidents.
This
 can significantly improve a person's problem-solving ability and
thus
 traveling is not easier than working.
In addition
, teenagers in high school often spend the majority of their time committing to studying and increasing their academic performance under heavy peer pressure, with disregard for their physical exercise.
As a result
, depression and obesity are more obvious than their counterparts in the past.
Therefore
, taking a trip is a good way to contribute to their physical and mental health because of its features of easiness and joyfulness.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that accumulating some working
experience
 is
also
 beneficial to adolescents. The workplace is rather different from school, where they can not only master some practical skills
such
 as programming and gardening but
also
experience
 the working atmosphere. These can direct their future job choice to some extent and, in the process they can recognise their own limitation and have a clear objective when they go to university. In conclusion, I argue that both working and travelling exert unique and profound effects on young adults, improving their well-being and various skills.
Hence
, I advise that they can take full advantage of and properly arrange the time before going to university to try to
experience
 both.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

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coherence cohesion
A few sentences could be made clearer by breaking them into shorter, simpler sentences.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up your argument effectively.
complete response
You offer a well-rounded discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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