Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？

#students #work #travel #school #university #people #adult #life #statement？

In recent years, it has become increasingly common that many graduates from high school prefer working or travelling to only staying at home.

However

, some people hold the view that working

experience

is more useful and precious than travel. Personally, I tend to disagree with

this

view. One main reason in favour of my opinion is that travelling is a great method to improve one's comprehensive abilities, which are valuable in adult life. Before a tour, many factors, including transport, housing, food and so on, need to be taken into consideration and sometimes a traveller should change the tourist attractions

due to

the change in weather or some accidents.

This

can significantly improve a person's problem-solving ability and

thus

traveling is not easier than working.

In addition

, teenagers in high school often spend the majority of their time committing to studying and increasing their academic performance under heavy peer pressure, with disregard for their physical exercise.

As a result

, depression and obesity are more obvious than their counterparts in the past.

Therefore

, taking a trip is a good way to contribute to their physical and mental health because of its features of easiness and joyfulness.

On the other hand

, it is undeniable that accumulating some working

experience

also

beneficial to adolescents. The workplace is rather different from school, where they can not only master some practical skills

such

as programming and gardening but

also

experience

the working atmosphere. These can direct their future job choice to some extent and, in the process they can recognise their own limitation and have a clear objective when they go to university. In conclusion, I argue that both working and travelling exert unique and profound effects on young adults, improving their well-being and various skills.

Hence

, I advise that they can take full advantage of and properly arrange the time before going to university to try to

experience

both.

Submitted by 1378468145 on Wed Oct 02 2024

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A few sentences could be made clearer by breaking them into shorter, simpler sentences.

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Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction is clear and sets up your argument effectively.

complete response

You offer a well-rounded discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that tourist should accept social and environmental responsibility while other believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Eco-tourism often involves visiting remote and fragile ecosystems, which raises concerns about the impact on local cultures and indigenous communities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be resolved?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement protecting the environment is the responsibility of government use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In the past, school children usually learnt by listening to their teacher and by studying their books. Nowadays, many school children learn by using technology in the classroom instead. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?