IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the Monarch butterfly.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the Monarch butterfly.
The diagram illustrates the life cycle of the Monarch butterfly, broken down into four main stages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
that
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
their appearance changes over time.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
Linking Words
this aesthetic insects
Change the determiner
this aesthetic insect
these aesthetic insects
show examples
also
Linking Words
 migrate
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
 many mammals do as well. Starting off with the first
stage
Use synonyms
, at
egg
Add an article
the egg
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
, these eggs are laid on the milkweed leaves.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the larval
stage
Use synonyms
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
. Approximately two weeks
past
Correct your spelling
passed
show examples
, revealing the newly hatched larva known as
caterpillar
Correct article usage
a caterpillar
show examples
 from its shell.
This
Linking Words
 caterpillar later undergoes the hibernation phase with the attachment of its tail
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the milkweed branch.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, after ten days, it forms a
harden
Replace the word
hardened
show examples
 pouch-like covering
its
Change preposition
on its
show examples
 body called chrysalis and the papal
stage
Use synonyms
begin
Change the verb form
begins
show examples
, Not long after that, the pupal
break
Fix the agreement mistake
breaks
show examples
 out from its shell and
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
 butterfly is introduced to the world. These
adult
Use synonyms
 Monarch butterflies head toward the South where
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 prosper with food
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
. Six
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 later, during
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
the adult
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 which was the
last
Linking Words
 phase, they
migrate
Wrong verb form
migrated
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
back to where they
borned
Verb problem
were born
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the North.
Then
Linking Words
, these
adult
Use synonyms
 butterflies
mating
Wrong verb form
mate
show examples
 and
laying
Wrong verb form
lay
show examples
egg
Fix the agreement mistake
eggs
show examples
 at their favourite spot, the milkweed and the cycle goes on.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words stage, adult with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: