IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aim in life is mostly related to luck. Disagree or agree?

#person #aim #life #luck
Success is believed to be dependent on luck by many
individuals
,
whereas
 others are
on the contrary
 with that statement. The writer of
this
 essay disagrees that luck brings success to humans as earnest attempts
coupled with
 a working attitude are the two truly main factors, which aid
people
 reach to their goals. One of the core reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why human beings achieve their ambitions is
according to
 an effort which assists them in passing all challenges. In fact,
while
people
 try to concentrate on building up their abilities, these ambitious
people
 will struggle with a number of distractions, namely depression and failure, which have a negative impact on their determination.
However
, with their discipline along endeavour, those determined
individuals
 can overcome difficulties and amass beneficial
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
due to
 learning from previous mistakes.
As a result
,
people
 become more mature
as well as
 experienced in order to approach their target closely. Working attitude is another key component of the case for
individuals
 making their dreams come true.
That is
 to say, despite having a talent in a particular subject, it is absolutely taxing for a person to be reputable without passion and enthusiasm for a work.
Furthermore
, when a person does a mission with all of their heart, no matter how impossible it is, those creative
individuals
 will be able to create an unpredictable chance for themselves.
For instance
, Menden, an influential biologist with an essential contribution to biology
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 his profound passion for it, did more than 7000 experiments with beans before succeeding. In conclusion, even though luck might play a vital role in the way human fulfil their dreams, it can be observed that effort
along with
 a working attitude far outweighs it, based on those factors support
individuals
 reaching their aim efficiently.
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Grammar
Remember to thoroughly check for grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures to enhance clarity. Minor grammatical errors were observed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. While the ideas are well-connected overall, a few transitional phrases could improve the flow.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline and summarize your main points, contributing to a well-structured essay.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as Mendel’s experiments with beans, effectively support your arguments and enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task comprehensively, presenting a clear standpoint and supporting it with relevant ideas and examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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