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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Describe the contributions of both Artists and Scientists in order to boost the tourism industy

#contributions #artists #scientists #tourism #industy
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International
tourism
 has become one of the largest earning industries in the world and plays a crucial role in the economy of numerous countries. There are diverse factors to boost the
tourism
industry
 in a
country
 and in upcoming paragraphs; I shall discuss the reasons and support them. In order to promote and develop the
tourism
industry
 in our
country
, it is necessary to strengthen a series of basic and fundamental components. As the first solution, the relevant officials should think
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about developing urban infrastructure in the
tourism
industry
such
 as roads, hotels, urban and intercity transportation and airports.
For example
, the highways and paths that lead to tourist areas should be renovated
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
improved and
also
 expanded these roads.
In addition
, the construction and development of medical, health, communication, insurance and support facilities for travellers who come to our
country
 should be considered.
Furthermore
, the category of security is another indicator of
tourism
 development. In fact, the existence of security and respect for the rights of
tourists
 is one of the things that lead to the prosperity of
tourism
. As an illustration,
tourism
 when comes to our
country
 the first things that they will consider are freedom and safety.
Tourists
 are usually interested in traveling to destinations that have specific laws and regulations related to domestic and foreign
tourists
.
Besides
 the solutions mentioned above, advertising is another effective strategy in the development of the
tourism
industry
. There are multiple methods to introduce tourist attractions of the
country
 to the world, like using traditional advertising methods
such
 as print ads and billboards or social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook which offer ideal spaces to connect with travellers directly. Indeed, by creating attractive advertisements that display unique attractions and experiences, potential
tourists
 from all over the world can be encouraged to travel to our
country
. In conclusion, by providing and developing facilities, equipment and services, it is possible for many
tourists
 to come to the
country
 to see places and attractions, which will help to boost the
tourism
industry
 in the
country
.
Submitted by abphobos70 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to add clarity and fluency between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to fully develop each point. Consider giving real-life examples where tourism has been positively impacted by infrastructure improvements, security policies, and advertising.
coherence and cohesion
Work on using varied sentence structures to enhance the flow and readability of the essay. This will help engage the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Clarify the distinction between artists and scientists in boosting tourism, as the essay seems to focus primarily on infrastructure and general promotional strategies.
task achievement
The essay addresses key components necessary to boost the tourism industry, such as infrastructure, security, and advertising.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph discusses a distinct approach to improving tourism.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and demonstrate a good understanding of the factors that influence the tourism industry.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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