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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.
#market #phone #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons #mins
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This
Linking Words
given
Verb problem
apply
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table illustrates statistics about
worldwide
Add an article
the worldwide
a worldwide
show examples
 share of the mobile phone market in 2005 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, as we can see
that
Correct word choice
apply
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there are 7 types of phone which
was
Change the verb form
were
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manufactered
Correct your spelling
manufactured
 in the past time. There are some kinds like
Use synonyms
nokia
Change the capitalization
Nokia
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,
samsung
Change the capitalization
Samsung
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,
L.G
Correct your spelling
LG
,
motorola
Change the capitalization
Motorola
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,
sony
Capitalize word
Sony
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 and the
last
Linking Words
 one is
BenQ
Use synonyms
 Mobile. So,
this
Linking Words
 is predicted that the highest percentage of sharing
phone's
Change the noun form
phones
phone
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 in 2005 was
Use synonyms
nokia
Change the capitalization
Nokia
show examples
 with 32.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and the lowest one was BenG with only 4.9.
Then
Linking Words
,
after
Correct word choice
apply
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one year later
this
Linking Words
 diagram was almost the same number with dividing telephone.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Use synonyms
nokia
Change the capitalization
Nokia
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased
for
Change preposition
by
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 35, but,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 the number of
BenQ
Use synonyms
was decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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twice
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
2005
Change preposition
of 2005
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, other classifications like
motorola
Change the capitalization
Motorola
show examples
 and
sony
Capitalize word
Sony
show examples
 increased dramatically
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year.
Hence
Linking Words
, it was expected that
Use synonyms
nokia
Change the capitalization
Nokia
show examples
 and
motorola
Change the capitalization
Motorola
show examples
 rise til 2006, when,
Benq
Use synonyms
 with L.g fell into the lowest quantity above them.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, the highest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 in
this
Linking Words
 table was
Use synonyms
nokia
Change the capitalization
Nokia
show examples
 and the lowest
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all of them was
Benq
Use synonyms
 between 2005 and 2006.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words nokia, benq with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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