IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
When it comes to criminal justice there is always a substantial difficulty in deciding which sentence should be delivered. In recent years, there has been more leniency in respect to the criminals’ sentences. Citizens worry that abiding moralities have been simply encouraging more violence. That being said, there are different ways to ensure people’s safety and executing criminals might not be the best
option
. There are several forms of legal punishment. Minimal crimes could be dealt with, using a warning or a fine
while
 other more important offences require bigger actions. Arguably, the worst disciplinary action is the death penalty, with life imprisonment without parole being next in line.
While
 capital punishment can seem like the only fair
option
 in some cases, life in prison is
also
 a valid
option
 that allows psychologists to observe and figure out the reasons behind human actions.
This
, in turn, helps the police forces to identify criminal suspects. With that in mind, the long-term benefits of
this
 sentence in controlling violence are far more valuable. What about the needed resources? Life imprisonment, in comparison to capital punishment, is an expensive
option
 and might seem unfair to the victims and their families.
Nevertheless
 considering the amount of recent false convictions it should be done selectively and only when all other options are void. Based on the presented argument and with consideration of the long-term benefits of other legal punishments, execution should be avoided as much as possible.
Submitted by anahitakhosravi4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and the main points are adequately covered, it would benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples and statistics to further bolster the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the cohesion by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' and 'On the other hand,' to guide the reader seamlessly through the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear, logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in making the argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and well-articulated, demonstrating a good grasp of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: