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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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A lot of children over the world spend hours on a daily basis on their smartphone. Is it normal? What kind of influence on their development does it have? Negative or positive? Is it that bad as some parents think? In my personal opinion, it has its own advantages and disadvantages.
Although
 I think that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Why? You may ask. Starting with advantages: first of all everyone should know how to use smartphones, and children are no exception, so that way they not only have fun, but
also
 learn something new and important.
Nevertheless
 they shouldn’t spend too much time in it, as there can be some consequences
such
 as bad eyesight, stress, problems with communication, and maybe addiction. Nowadays one of the most serious problems so far - addiction to the gadgets.
Such
 people usually have not only all of the above mentioned consequences, but
also
 anger issue, which can affect a person’s personal and professional lifes, which is quite crucial, don’t you think?
That is
 parents duty to measure their children’s mobile phone usage, as it was discovered earlier in the text, can be quite crucial for their life.
Although
 it can be quite hard, because now the technologies are part of everyday life: online education, games, talking with friends, just finding some information in the internet. So it is not an easy task.
Overall
, I can say that children should spend some time in their mobile phones,
although
 it should be measured by their parents, so that their child won’t have any mental or health problems.
Submitted by vova.yaschuk95 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Make a clear stance on whether you believe the development is positive or negative, providing detailed explanations and specific examples to support your view.
coherence cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, structure your essay clearly with an identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be linked to others through cohesive devices.
language
Use a wider range of lexical resources and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and transition words to guide your reader through your essay smoothly, making your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and concrete examples to support your claims. Examples help to illustrate your point and make your argument stronger.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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