IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is common nowadays for each member of family to have their own peace of modern technology. Some people think that this will lead to a break down in the family relationships and communication to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#member #peace #technology #people #break #relationships #communication
It's easy to see a
phone
 with every family member
due to
 the increase in technological sophistication, and
this
 will have a bad impact on our society. I agree with
this
 statement because it will be difficult for our generation to build relationships with others and it will lead to the failure of the whole world in the future. On the one hand,
people
 will be afraid to communicate with others and won'
t
 know how to talk.
On the other hand
, the habit of looking at the screen all day without thinking or even speaking will lead to a lack of speech because they are only using their fingers and not their tongues.
For example
, many companies want to take the best
people
 from the best universities and one of the skills they need is leadership, unfortunately most of our generation now don'
t
 know how to explain something to many
people
 because they are used to explaining it
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
phone
 and not in real life, so it will lead them to depression and failure in the job.
On the other hand
, society will stop using their brains. We can
also
 say that digital phones are the main reason,
people
 don'
t
 need to use their brains because if they want to eat food they can order it or if they want to buy clothes they can see them on their phones without going to the store and the worst thing is that students at university don'
t
 need to brainstorm for the essay, all they need is AI, they write any content they want and it will write everything for them. In conclusion, the disadvantages of having a
phone
 are more than the advantages, it is bad for society to have a
phone
 because its effect on the mind is very bad, so
people
 should control their time using a cell
phone
.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with relevant examples. This will make your argument more convincing and robust.
coherence cohesion
Work on cohesively connecting your paragraphs and ideas so that the transition between thoughts feels natural. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
introduction conclusion present
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and establish your viewpoint effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: