IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is believed by some that
music
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 can unite
people
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 across cultures and ages. From my perspective, there are some circumstances that violate
this
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 statement, but
overall
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music
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 can act as a strong unifier.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons why
music
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 can bring
people
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with
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of
show examples
 different ages and cultures together.
Firstly
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, throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history
music
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 has been an important criterion
to unite
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for uniting
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people
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.
For example
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, when a nation is at war they try to boost their soldiers' spirit by singing an epic
song
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. These soldiers may come from different parts of the country with various ages and cultures yet they get inspired by their national
song
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.
Furthermore
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, another aspect to consider is that individuals can express their inner feelings through
the
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apply
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music
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. All
human-beings
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human beings
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 around the
world
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 have similar emotions,
such
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 as sadness, joy, anxiety,
and
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apply
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etc. These feelings are a universal language that may unite
people
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 no matter what their mother language is. When they share similar responses to a
song
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 or a genre, it can create a sense of connection and understanding.
For example
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, Michael Jackson’s Heal The
World
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 is one example of a
song
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 that was intentionally made to unite
people
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 across the
world
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. It is written clearly in the lyrics, to bring
people
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’s spirit up to create a greater
world
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 to live in.
However
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,
people
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 may have different tastes of
music
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.
In other words
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, a single genre of
music
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 may not be preferable
by
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to
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 everyone.
For instance
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, listening to rap or hip-hop
music
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 is a trend
between
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among
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 youth, but elders may prefer classical or countryside
music
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. In these cases, not only
music
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 cannot act as
an
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a
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 unifier, but
also
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may cause
Wrong verb form
causes
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 arguments between older
people
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 and younger ones. In conclusion, regardless
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different peoples’
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music
Replace the word
musical
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taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
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,
music
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 plays an essential role in uniting
people
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 from different backgrounds.It creates a universal language that closes the cultural or even the age gap by building a sense of emotional connection and understanding.

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance cohesion, use more connective words or phrases such as "in addition," "on the other hand," or "moreover" to link ideas and paragraphs more fluidly.
task achievement
Vary sentence structures and lengths to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frames the argument.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as Michael Jackson’s "Heal The World," to support the main points, which adds depth to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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