Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

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It is believed by some that

music

can unite

people

across cultures and ages. From my perspective, there are some circumstances that violate

this

statement, but

overall

music

can act as a strong unifier.

To begin

with, there are many reasons why

music

can bring

people

with

Change preposition

show examples

different ages and cultures together.

Firstly

, throughout

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

history

music

has been an important criterion

to unite

Change preposition

for uniting

show examples

people

For example

, when a nation is at war they try to boost their soldiers' spirit by singing an epic

song

. These soldiers may come from different parts of the country with various ages and cultures yet they get inspired by their national

song

Furthermore

, another aspect to consider is that individuals can express their inner feelings through

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music

. All

human-beings

Correct your spelling

human beings

show examples

around the

world

have similar emotions,

such

as sadness, joy, anxiety,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc. These feelings are a universal language that may unite

people

no matter what their mother language is. When they share similar responses to a

song

or a genre, it can create a sense of connection and understanding.

For example

, Michael Jackson’s Heal The

World

is one example of a

song

that was intentionally made to unite

people

across the

world

. It is written clearly in the lyrics, to bring

people

’s spirit up to create a greater

world

to live in.

However

people

may have different tastes of

music

In other words

, a single genre of

music

may not be preferable

Change preposition

show examples

everyone.

For instance

, listening to rap or hip-hop

music

is a trend

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

youth, but elders may prefer classical or countryside

music

. In these cases, not only

music

cannot act as

Change the article

show examples

unifier, but

also

may cause

Wrong verb form

causes

show examples

arguments between older

people

and younger ones. In conclusion, regardless

Change preposition

show examples

different peoples’

music

Replace the word

musical

show examples

taste

Fix the agreement mistake

tastes

show examples

music

plays an essential role in uniting

people

from different backgrounds.It creates a universal language that closes the cultural or even the age gap by building a sense of emotional connection and understanding.

Submitted by mehdi1998d on Wed Oct 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

To further enhance cohesion, use more connective words or phrases such as "in addition," "on the other hand," or "moreover" to link ideas and paragraphs more fluidly.

task achievement

Vary sentence structures and lengths to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frames the argument.

task achievement

The essay includes relevant examples, such as Michael Jackson’s "Heal The World," to support the main points, which adds depth to the argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

325 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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