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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days there is a surge in the number of
people
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 who want to maintain a youthful look;
therefore
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 they unhesitatingly pour significant resources into beautifying their
skin
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 texture. The reasons making
people
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 want to
stay
Verb problem
have
show examples
 unblemished
skin
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 are various.
This
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 essay will discuss the positive and negative aspects of
this
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 phenomenon before reaching a conclusion. To commence with, skincare is one of the living standards of modern
people
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, so committing a considerable amount of money to retain a youthful
appearance
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 is inevitable.
This
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 phenomenon can attributed to several factors,
firstly
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, the ubiquitous advertisement, they can exaggerate the efficiency of the products by using celebrities' endorsements and taking advantage of consumer trust in the images of the model with smooth and glowing
skin
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, which can entice customers to buy the products regardless of the extravagant price.
Secondly
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, a thing of
beauty
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 is a joy forever, so
people
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 always want to appear more youthful and investing heavily in it is understandable, because a good-looking
appearance
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 not only makes them feel confident but
also
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 earns them certainly privilege in their career path or life.
Also
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,
this
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 trend can lead to two effects: negative and positive. In terms of negative impact, overspending on
beauty
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 services can drive
people
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 madly, because
this
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 proves that
this
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 person has been deeply obsessed with
appearance
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, which can make them ignore other important values in life
such
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 as knowledge and experiences.
By contrast
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, it is
also
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 positive to pay attention to
appearance
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, because when they allocate substantial funds to skincare, means that they appreciate themselves, and
due to
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 the satisfaction of being looking can give them a sense of confidence and motivation.
To conclude
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, these days
people
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 are always willing to invest heavy resources into
beauty
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 services for various reasons, though
appearance
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 can be important to some individuals it is only
skin
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 deep.
Therefore
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, overspending for
this
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 service can be money-wasting and lack practicality, because
beauty
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 is as
beauty
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 does, money should be spent smartly to develop personal knowledge and experiences.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples from your own knowledge or experience to enhance the reader's understanding and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is sufficiently developed before moving to the next point, to maintain better focus and coherence.
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, restate the main points more clearly and succinctly, summarizing the advantages and disadvantages you've discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a clear introduction that outlines the topic and sets the stage for discussion on both positive and negative aspects.
task achievement
You have addressed both the positive and negative sides of the trend, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
The language used is generally clear, with good vocabulary that appropriately conveys the intended message.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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