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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in consumer goods production harms the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Introduction
In contemporary society, the increasing production of consumer goods has emerged as a pressing environmental concern.
This
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 environmental damage can largely be attributed to deforestation and the emission of harmful
pollutants
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.
Nevertheless
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, several practical measures could be implemented to address the situation effectively.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary factors contributing to
this
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 problem is deforestation.
This
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 occurs because manufacturers need more land to construct
factories
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, which
subsequently
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 leads to the cutting down of trees.
As a result
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,
this
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 damages the natural environment by destroying wildlife habitats. Another significant contributing factor is the emission of harmful
pollutants
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, particularly in circumstances where manufacturing units
use
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 fossil
fuels
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 for their operations.
For example
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,
factories
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use
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 non-renewable
energy
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sources
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such
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 as coal and diesel to operate their machines. Burning these
fuels
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 releases gases
such
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 as carbon dioxide and sulphur dioxide into the atmosphere, contributing to environmental pollution.
Consequently
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, unless these underlying causes are addressed, the situation may continue to deteriorate.
Body paragraph 2
To tackle
this
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 issue, a combination of measures should be adopted by the government and factory owners. First and foremost, strict policies related to the expansion of
factories
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 should be introduced by the authorities, as
this
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 would help to limit the construction of new
factories
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, especially near forest areas, and prevent the cutting down of trees.
Furthermore
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, implementing rules related to the
use
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 of renewable
energy
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sources
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 could significantly reduce toxic emissions.
For instance
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, if the government starts funding and encouraging companies to
use
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 sustainable
energy
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sources
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such
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 as solar and wind power,
this
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 initiative could produce meaningful improvements by reducing the release of harmful
pollutants
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 from burning fossil
fuels
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. If these strategies were implemented effectively, the severity of the problem could be substantially reduced.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the damage to the natural environment is primarily caused by industrial expansion and the release of toxic
pollutants
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 from burning fossil
fuels
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.
However
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, companies can switch from non-renewable to renewable
energy
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sources
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, and the government can implement strict policies to limit the expansion of
factories
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. These steps could mitigate the negative consequences of industrial production and improve the environment.

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task response
Answer both parts well. You explain why harm happens and give clear ways to deal with it. To make the ideas even stronger, add one more cause, such as more waste from goods that are used once and then thrown away.
task response
Your causes and answers match each other well. Still, some points could be more exact. For example, say how rules can make firms use less land, reuse materials, or make goods that last longer.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, especially coal, diesel, solar power, and wind power. Add a real or more full example of a firm changing its work, so the answer feels less general.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: start, causes, answers, and end. Each paragraph has one main job, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer link words such as "As a result", "Consequently", and "Furthermore" in close parts of the text. They are correct, but too many can make the writing sound planned rather than natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are quite long. Break a few into two shorter sentences, mainly in the second body paragraph. This will make the links between ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea again in the end. The last paragraph can be shorter and focus on the main message rather than repeat all the points.
task response
You give two clear causes: loss of trees for new factories and dirty gas from fossil fuels. You also give two clear answers: limits on factory growth and a move to clean power.
task response
The answer stays on the topic from start to end. Each main point is explained, and the examples support the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph clearly tells the reader what the essay will cover, and the final paragraph brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are well shaped. Topic sentences, explanation, and examples work together in a clear way.
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