In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

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It is unarguably that a large number of
people
Use synonyms
are currently suffering from stress at a promising rate across the globe, some
suggested
Wrong verb form
suggest
show examples
that financial status can possibly
induced
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induce
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to stress out and the
government
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should step in to tackle
this
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alarming trend by providing some policy related with dealing mental health issue. Both factors and possible measures to tackle it will be discussed
further
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in
this
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essay.
To begin
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with, it seems sensible that there are various possibilities that individuals could
anxious
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be anxious
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with
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about
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, yet, financial issue is often the case that several
people
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upset the most.
This
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is
possibly
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possible
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because we currently
living
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live
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in a money-driven world
that
Correct word choice
where
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everything costs
with
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apply
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some number
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is why everyone is struggling to make a living. In
this
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sense,
the
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apply
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struggling to survive in
this
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consumerism world
for paying
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to pay
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bills
while
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make
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making
show examples
a living can be stressful.
Moreover
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,
this
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is especially worse for
low income
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low-income
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groups that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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barely survive physically
while
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maintaining mental health.
However
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, I personally think that there are several solutions to tackle
with
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apply
show examples
this
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problem. Importantly, the
government
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should hand in their hand to
resolved
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resolve
show examples
this
Linking Words
issue as it is the health problem of their citizens. Promoting
campaign
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campaigns
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for relaxation or enacting
bill
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bills
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for relaxing time for
the
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apply
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employee
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employees
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are some of the examples that the
government
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can do. Norway,
for instance
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,
regulating
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regulates
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break time for relaxation
to
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for
show examples
their employees. Norwegians agree that they felt much more relaxed with
this
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small break to get rid of
the
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apply
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all
worriness
Correct your spelling
worries
worried
. In summary,
although
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it is undeniable that causing
people
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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stress, I am of the opinion that financial problem is
major
Add an article
a major
the major
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factor that induce
people
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to
feeling
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feel
show examples
bad as they trying to make a living and
aligned
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align
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with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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help from the
government
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such
Linking Words
as
legislate
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legislation
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bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
or raise the awareness of relaxation can reduce
this
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negative emotion.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task achievement
Please work on clarifying your ideas and expressing them in a more straightforward manner. Certain sections are slightly convoluted and might confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on improving sentence structure and eliminating minor linguistic errors to enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay well.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the Norwegian policy on break times, add depth and practical context to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
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