In some countries, children under 16 years old are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work . Is this a good or bad thing ? Discuss your opinion.
It goes without saying that
sixteen year
Add a hyphen
sixteen-year
children
are working full time
. An argument has been put forward that in many Add a hyphen
full-time
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
children
are not allowed to leave the
school and do Correct article usage
apply
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
work
. In my opinion, this
statement Does not hold a valid ground.
There are many reasons why I agree with the given statement. To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
children
leave there
school just because of Correct your spelling
their
work
. If they leave their education
then
this
is not good for their country
and people
Change noun form
people's
education
will remain. Furthermore
, students
not
get benefits as they collect Change the verb form
do not
did not
in addition
to this
when students
studying
the government Wrong verb form
study
funding
their Wrong verb form
funds
childreen
and they are Correct your spelling
children
self made
. What is more when Add a hyphen
self-made
students
leave the
Change the word
their
education
just because money
they impact on community because Change preposition
of money
it's
Verb problem
it
cause
a high amount of Replace the word
causes
un educated
Correct your spelling
uneducated
students
.
Therefore
, when student goes for full-time
job Add an article
the full-time
a full-time
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
also
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
soucity
because the other Correct your spelling
the city
children
saying
them and they follow each of them. For intense, Wrong verb form
say
Children
should focused
on their Change the verb form
focus
be focused
study
and play Fix the agreement mistake
studies
Add an article
a roll
roll
in society to increase Correct your spelling
role
education
department children
. Finally
, children
are involved in driving car
Correct article usage
a car
it's
Change the verb form
it's also caused
also
cause by Correct article usage
a majour
majour
Correct your spelling
major
accident
and transfer bad Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
habbit
in Correct your spelling
habit
habits
human
.
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
However
, some people might argue that for children
doing work
is good. They believe that in many country
labour Fix the agreement mistake
countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
shourtages
and these Correct your spelling
shortages
children
play good
Add an article
a good
roll
in working and Correct your spelling
role
serve for
their Wrong verb form
serving
country
. According to
them they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
good
Add a missing verb
are good
to pick
new things. Change preposition
at picking
In addition
to this
, they also
say that new
generation Correct article usage
the new
are
intelligent Change the verb form
is
to
pick things and improve or give us new ideas they serve Rephrase
enough to
to
their own Change preposition
apply
country
.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that although
new commor
are good Correct your spelling
common
in
Change preposition
at
work
, but
Remove the conjunction
apply
there
Replace the word
their
education
will disturb
when they Add a missing verb
be disturb
start
Add the particle
start to
work
in
16 age. Change preposition
at
Therefore
, children
are focused on study
, driving Wrong verb form
studying
car
Correct article usage
a car
are
not Change the verb form
is
good
Correct article usage
a good
things
.Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure for your response.
Task Achievement
The essay presents an attempt to offer both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
Fully explain your ideas
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- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
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