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Writing Samples
Band 7

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefit or more problems?

Some
people
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 suggest that being a
celebrity
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 can bring
problems
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as well as
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benefits
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.
While
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 can bring
problems
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 being a
celebrity
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 like having less
privacy
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 or being affected mental health by
people
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's opinions, I believe that the
benefits
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 can override them because famous
people
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 can earn more money because of their
image
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 and can have better treatment in public spaces. Having less
privacy
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 is one of the drawbacks of being a
celebrity
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.
This
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 affects famous
people
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 wherever they go. They are pursued to have a photograph or an interview in the middle of the street.
Therefore
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, everybody knows where they went and why, having less
privacy
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 and affecting their mental health if they listen to negative
people
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's opinions about them or their actions.
For example
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, Angelina Jolie went to an appointment with a surgeon to operate on her breast, someone knew about
this
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 so the paparazzi pursued her to have an interview during
this
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 delicate time.
Therefore
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, not permitting her to have the
privacy
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 she deserves and the mental space to deal with that situation.
Although
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 there are some
problems
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 with being a
celebrity
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, I believe that the
benefits
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 can outweigh them. One of the main
benefits
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 famous
people
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 can have is earn more money
due to
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 their
image
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. They can participate in marketing, selling their
image
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 to promote certain products.
Furthermore
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, when they go to a restaurant or a public space, they have better treatment like having the best table in the restaurant without waiting or having a reservation when the place is usually fully booked.
For instance
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, in a television show, I listened to how an actress who was not well known at that time was using George Clonney's name to have reservations in restaurants that were completely booked.
To conclude
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, even though being famous can bring some
problems
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 like less
privacy
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 or affect their mental health negatively, I strongly believe that the
benefits
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 override them because they can earn more money with their
image
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 and can have better treatment in public spaces.

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly defines both sides of the argument before stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in your arguments throughout each paragraph.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to increase variety and expressiveness.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction presents a clear line of argument, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses examples, such as referencing Angelina Jolie and George Clooney, to illustrate points, enhancing the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Overall logical structure is maintained with one drawback and the benefits discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public scrutiny
  • paparazzi
  • financial gain
  • brand endorsements
  • lucrative opportunities
  • platform
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • networking
  • influential
  • perks
  • VIP treatment
  • security concerns
  • stalkers
  • public image
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