in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Tp what extent, do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #governments #society #tp

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In many countries,

people

are now living longer than ever before. Some argue that an ageing

population

creates challenges for governments,

while

others believe that having more elderly

people

in society brings benefits. In my opinion, the disadvantages of an ageing

population

outweigh the advantages. On the one hand, the increased longevity of

people

results in a wealth of knowledge and

experience

being available to society. Elderly individuals, having spent many years in the workforce, often possess valuable expertise and problem-solving skills.

For example

, many senior citizens hold top positions in companies and government institutions because they are often more capable of making important decisions based on their extensive

experience

However

while

their

experience

is valuable in leadership roles, younger

people

tend to be more innovative and adaptable in positions that require creativity and quick adaptation.

For

this

reason, companies and institutions often prefer younger employees for lower- and mid-level roles.

On the other hand

, an ageing

population

significantly increases the burden on

healthcare

services. Elderly individuals are generally more prone to illnesses and chronic health conditions, requiring more medical attention.

For instance

, Indonesia’s national health insurance provider, BPJS, allocates a fixed annual budget to provide

healthcare

for all citizens. If a large portion of

this

budget is spent on the elderly, it may not be sufficient to meet the

healthcare

needs of other age groups.

This

could lead to a situation where

healthcare

services are stretched thin, and the government struggles to provide adequate care for everyone, creating an unfair distribution of resources. In conclusion,

while

the

experience

and wisdom of elderly

people

can be an asset to society, the financial strain they place on

healthcare

systems poses a significant challenge.

Therefore

, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of an ageing

population

outweigh the advantages.

Submitted by adittyafatma on Thu Oct 03 2024

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task response

Your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. While you present a reasonable amount of detail on the disadvantages, the advantages of an ageing population are somewhat underexplored. Consider providing more examples or points in favor of the benefits to create a more balanced viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the linking of your ideas for smoother transitions between the different sections of your essay. You can achieve this by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.

structure coherence

Your essay provides a clear and structured response to the task with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task response

The main points about the contributions of the elderly and the strain on healthcare systems are well supported with relevant examples.

task response

You effectively articulate a clear position on the issue throughout the essay, establishing a coherent argument for your stance.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
financial strain
pensions
healthcare services
expenditure
budget
taxes
reallocation of funds
invaluable contributions
experience and wisdom
decision-making processes
mentoring
cultural traditions
family cohesion
childcare
working-age population
labor shortages
economic growth
productivity
healthcare advancements
technology
workforce engagement
economic constraints
flexible work policies
part-time employment

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