in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Tp what extent, do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.
In many countries,
people
are now living longer than ever before. Some argue that an ageing population
creates challenges for governments, while
others believe that having more elderly people
in society brings benefits. In my opinion, the disadvantages of an ageing population
outweigh the advantages.
On the one hand, the increased longevity of people
results in a wealth of knowledge and experience
being available to society. Elderly individuals, having spent many years in the workforce, often possess valuable expertise and problem-solving skills. For example
, many senior citizens hold top positions in companies and government institutions because they are often more capable of making important decisions based on their extensive experience
. However
, while
their experience
is valuable in leadership roles, younger people
tend to be more innovative and adaptable in positions that require creativity and quick adaptation. For
this
reason, companies and institutions often prefer younger employees for lower- and mid-level roles.
On the other hand
, an ageing population
significantly increases the burden on healthcare
services. Elderly individuals are generally more prone to illnesses and chronic health conditions, requiring more medical attention. For instance
, Indonesia’s national health insurance provider, BPJS, allocates a fixed annual budget to provide healthcare
for all citizens. If a large portion of this
budget is spent on the elderly, it may not be sufficient to meet the healthcare
needs of other age groups. This
could lead to a situation where healthcare
services are stretched thin, and the government struggles to provide adequate care for everyone, creating an unfair distribution of resources.
In conclusion, while
the experience
and wisdom of elderly people
can be an asset to society, the financial strain they place on healthcare
systems poses a significant challenge. Therefore
, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of an ageing population
outweigh the advantages.Submitted by adittyafatma on
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task response
Your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. While you present a reasonable amount of detail on the disadvantages, the advantages of an ageing population are somewhat underexplored. Consider providing more examples or points in favor of the benefits to create a more balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the linking of your ideas for smoother transitions between the different sections of your essay. You can achieve this by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.
structure coherence
Your essay provides a clear and structured response to the task with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The main points about the contributions of the elderly and the strain on healthcare systems are well supported with relevant examples.
task response
You effectively articulate a clear position on the issue throughout the essay, establishing a coherent argument for your stance.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...