Some people think watching TV. is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Many people are of the opinion that watching
TV
can have negative effects on offspring, whereas
, others say it may be good for their childhood. This
essay will discuss both views and give the writer's opinion.
It should be acknowledged that televisions have useful information for offspring. These pieces of information are from specific programs
on TV
that convey a wide range of science to society
behaviours to audiences. Replace the word
societal
Moreover
, at an early age, offspring are open-minded and enthusiastic to
the open world. Change preposition
about
As a result
, TV
can be an initial step for children
to gain new knowledge that stay
in their minds for a long time since they grow up. Change the verb form
stays
According to
VNExpress, children
in kindergartens now have a fixed time to watch TV
programs
about science and some basic skills to enhance their knowledge about their world.
However
, this
activity can also
affect children
's lifestyle. When they stay at home and enjoy programs
on TV
, children
can become addicted to them and ignore outdoor activities or communication with relatives and friends. This
leads to an inactive lifestyle among them, a lack of social interaction and health problems such
as obesity and eye strains. For example
, in 2015, Vietnam saw an increase
number of Change the verb form
increasing
children
who suffer from myopia diseases and the proportion of them is around 70%.
The writer contends that watching TV
is a beneficial activity due to
its advantages. By watching these useful programs
at an early age with a limited time, the kids can develop their brains and are initially
ready to study effectively.
To sum up
, watching TV
has both advantages and disadvantages for kids. Although
its drawbacks are harmful, this
activity should be considered to apply widely to kindergartens to help children
obtain simple knowledge.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of the essay. However, it can be further improved by being a bit more engaging to capture the reader's interest right away.
task achievement
While the main points are well-supported and relevant, the explanation of negative effects could be expanded a bit more for better balance. For instance, you could mention the role of parental supervision to mitigate negative impacts.
task achievement
Strengthen the second body paragraph by using more specific details or statistics to support your argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the essay’s cohesion. For example, a concluding sentence in the first body paragraph could introduce the counter-point discussed in the following paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Review the use of conjunctions and transitions to enhance the logical flow. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of watching TV to the drawbacks could be smoother with an appropriate linking phrase.
task achievement
Your essay covers multiple points quite comprehensively, and the use of specific examples like the VNExpress reference adds credibility.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good overview and summary of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea and is relatively well-structured.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.