IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

All education, primary, secondary and further education, should be free to all people and paid for by the government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Education
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 is a necessary tool to improve the
overall
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 quality of life. It is argued whether access to
education
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 for all
levels
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 beginning from kindergarten to post-secondary should be at no
cost
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the extent governments can support
this
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 process and provide my statement on whether I agree disagree or partially agree with each opinion. On one hand, access to
education
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 is a human right regardless of any boundaries and the taxes collected by the government from their citizens must be utilized to provide
education
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 which is one of the greatest tools to improve the
overall
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 quality of life.
For instance
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, providing scholarships at all
levels
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 might improve the access of all members
in
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of
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 a society who have great talents but don't have sufficient resources to achieve their goals. Especially educating women will create a dual income source for the family which will improve the quality of life children experience.
This
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 in return will decrease the inequality between people which in turn could help to build a peaceful society that could benefit all.
On the other hand
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, the
cost
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 to cover
education
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 throughout the lifetime will increase the burden on governments and the redirection of funds to early childhood
education
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 might impact the graduates' and post-graduate
education
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 funding which actually helps to sustain the economy.
In addition
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, excess spending on
education
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 might cut the
cost
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 for other necessary sectors
such
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 as health, transport, infrastructure and defence.
However
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, the ability to contribute back to society will remain unpredictable as many pushing and pulling factors alter the human resource pools in an abrupt manner. In conclusion, I neither agree nor disagree about providing
education
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 at all
levels
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 free of
cost
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 by the government.
However
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, the long-term sustainability of
this
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 model will depend upon the contributions of people who gain an advantage
while
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 remaining motivated to support their governments in return for bringing
education
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 to all
levels
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance coherence and make it immediately clear what point you are addressing.
task achievement
Some ideas could be more comprehensively explored. While you offer numerous valid points, expanding on a couple with deeper analysis or additional examples would strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Ensure a clear stance is provided in your thesis statement. Although you mentioned neither agreeing nor disagreeing, it might be beneficial to present a more concrete position or lean towards one side, along with the provided balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the debate on whether all levels of education should be free, and the conclusion aptly circles back to this, providing a complete narrative structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a different aspect of the argument, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You include relevant and specific examples, particularly regarding scholarships and the impact of educating women, which strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • socioeconomic background
  • meritocracy
  • social equity
  • highly-skilled workforce
  • economic growth
  • financial strain
  • budget allocation
  • overcrowded classrooms
  • educational materials
  • specialized fields
  • tuition costs
  • oversaturation
  • degree holders
  • job opportunities
  • graduate unemployment
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