IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?

#people #bicycles #form #transport #case
In recent years, most
people
 in many countries have prioritised using vehicles for transport to their destination
while
 cycling is unpopular among
people
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will
be illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the cause of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 unemploy
bicycles
 and solutions to encourage
people
 to
use
 them.
To begin
 with, Individuals feel dangerous when they
use
 the bicycle to transport. In many countries, most citizens have tended to
use
 personal
cars
, motorbikes, and public transportation more than
bicycles
due to
 not having spaces for cycling. The areas on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
 are full of
cars
 and motorbikes which they fast and hustle. If
people
 go to their destination by cycling , they might face an accident which leads to harm.
For instance
, On the roads in Thailand, there are no areas for bike lanes. When
people
 want to transport by bicycle, they need to
use
 the road with other vehicles and it makes them have high risks to cash with others. To solve
this
 problem and encourage
people
 to
use
bicycles
, Governments need to develop spaces for bicycle lanes and guarantee
people
's safety. When the government develops areas for
bicycles
, they need to have a policy to
strict
Correct your spelling
restrict
show examples
 other
cars
 that they are unable to drive on the bike lanes.
In addition
, the government is capable of using campaigns for advertisement toward
people
 to
use
bicycles
 and know the rules.
As a result
, When
people
 are ensured with their security,
people
 will pay attention to
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 the scheme. As I mentioned, the cause of
people
 choosing to
use
 other
cars
 for transportation is that they lack confidence
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their security. If the government encourages
people
 by developing spaces for
bicycles
 and having policies to ensure
people
's safety,
people
 will feel safe and
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to
use
.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, connect the reasons for why people use cars directly to the proposals for encouraging bicycle use, to create a more coherent argument.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by defining technical terms like 'cash' or ensure context makes them clear.
task achievement
Provide a broader range of specific examples or evidence to support your claims and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified a specific problem (lack of safety for cyclists) and offered practical solutions (creating bike lanes).
task achievement
The essay’s main points are supported with specific examples, enhancing the overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • cycling infrastructure
  • bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic calming measures
  • commute
  • subsidies
  • physical exertion
  • environmental benefits
  • safety regulations
What to do next:
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