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Band 7

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do community work during their free time. This will benefit both teenager and community. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit #teenager
These days, people's lifestyles are so varied from the previous times;
moreover
, a group of populations believe that it is important that young generations
work
 for the public organizations that help communities when they have free
time
 owing to the fact that these happen have several benefits for not only societies but
also
 themselves. I subscribe to
this
 idea inasmuch as when the youth
work
 for communities they improve their social behaviour;
additionally
, they can find
work
 easier after graduation. On the one hand, if young inhabitants
work
 for the community, they learn the best manners that have more effect on other people;
besides
, they learn how can solve their personality issues
such
 as shyness, anger, and so on.
In addition
, working in their free
time
 aids them in planning for their lives and reducing their wasted
time
;
as a result
, in the future, these populations will have a lot of citizens that help them to enhance really fast.
On the other hand
, if teenagers
work
 in various places in their leisure
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they graduate they have a lot of experiences that help them to find the best job opportunities that are really good at or they are able to establish their own business which makes a great deal of profit.
In other words
, in these kinds of societies, adults do not spend a lot of
time
 to receive experience to find the best
work
 that they have talent in.
To sum up
, In my opinion, the best situation that helps one country develop immediately, is that the young generations know clearly about their future
work
 by spending their free
time
 on social
work
.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or scenarios to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The main arguments are adequately supported with explanations.
coherence cohesion
Good division of points into separate paragraphs, making it easier to follow the argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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