In many countries the government likes to spend more money on arts some agree with this however other hand government should spend more on health and education discuss both and give your opinion.

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These days,
people
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's lifestyles are so varied from the past;
additionally
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, populations can manage government ideas. In some
countries
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invest a great deal of
money
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in art items and a group of
people
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have the same thinking as them
while
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others think that it is crucial that authorities fund sectors that are related to
education
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and
health
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. In my opinion, the second idea is the best one owing to the fact that when the
countries
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do not have communities who have high educations and they are healthy
people
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, they cannot
servive
Correct your spelling
serve
their art elements. On the one hand,
culture
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is the main factor that has a lot of effect on our behaviour and future inasmuch as when one country loses customs, loses its identity ;
thereafter
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, these kinds of
countries
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will be joined with other
countries
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that have rich
culture
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;
consequently
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, it is essential that governments spend
money
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on the arts for keep
culture
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parts.
On the other hand
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, the most important elements that have a lot of affection on
countries
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' improvement are
health
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and
education
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on account of the fact that when
countries
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do not have a society that can interact with global
countries
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, they cannot succeed in the new century;
hence
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, inhabitants ought to have an academic degree;
furthermore
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, healthy populations who have diploma are able to work really good with the maximum yield;
therefore
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, authorities have to invest a number of
money
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on not only
education
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but
also
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health
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care for enhancing.
In addition
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,
education
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helps
people
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to know about their
culture
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better and keep it In conclusion, In my view,
health
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and
education
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are the necessary factors that help societies to keep their cultures and improve; so I advise that governments invest
money
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in these elements.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence
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cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure and using transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view before providing your opinion.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic benefits
  • Promotes creativity
  • Foundational
  • Holistic development
  • Basic human rights
  • National welfare
  • Balanced approach
  • Tourism industry
  • Long-term
  • Prioritizing
  • Crucial
  • Neglect
  • Cultural identity
  • Mental health support
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