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Band 6.5

In many countries the government likes to spend more money on arts some agree with this however other hand government should spend more on health and education discuss both and give your opinion.

#countries #government #money #arts #agree #hand #health #education
These days,
people
's lifestyles are so varied from the past;
additionally
, populations can manage government ideas. In some
countries
 invest a great deal of
money
 in art items and a group of
people
 have the same thinking as them
while
 others think that it is crucial that authorities fund sectors that are related to
education
 and
health
. In my opinion, the second idea is the best one owing to the fact that when the
countries
 do not have communities who have high educations and they are healthy
people
, they cannot
servive
Correct your spelling
serve
 their art elements. On the one hand,
culture
 is the main factor that has a lot of effect on our behaviour and future inasmuch as when one country loses customs, loses its identity ;
thereafter
, these kinds of
countries
 will be joined with other
countries
 that have rich
culture
 ;
consequently
, it is essential that governments spend
money
 on the arts for keep
culture
 parts.
On the other hand
, the most important elements that have a lot of affection on
countries
' improvement are
health
 and
education
 on account of the fact that when
countries
 do not have a society that can interact with global
countries
, they cannot succeed in the new century;
hence
, inhabitants ought to have an academic degree;
furthermore
, healthy populations who have diploma are able to work really good with the maximum yield;
therefore
, authorities have to invest a number of
money
 on not only
education
 but
also
health
 care for enhancing.
In addition
,
education
 helps
people
 to know about their
culture
 better and keep it In conclusion, In my view,
health
 and
education
 are the necessary factors that help societies to keep their cultures and improve; so I advise that governments invest
money
 in these elements.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
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coherence
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cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure and using transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view before providing your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic benefits
  • Promotes creativity
  • Foundational
  • Holistic development
  • Basic human rights
  • National welfare
  • Balanced approach
  • Tourism industry
  • Long-term
  • Prioritizing
  • Crucial
  • Neglect
  • Cultural identity
  • Mental health support
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