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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
Nowadays, some
people
 say
about
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apply
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that social media sites,
such
 as Facebook or Instagram, have a bad impact on teenagers.
Besides
,
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 have
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 effect
their
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on their
show examples
 ability to form personal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
While
people
 highlight the benefits of these applications. On the one hand,mass media
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
 for young and
to
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apply
show examples
their education too.
For example
, we may see
to
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apply
show examples
young Instagram and Facebook. For
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 reason, they spend their time surfing the web rather than learning.
As a result
,
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
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 interest in education is disappearing .
Furthermore
,
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
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to
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apply
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people
's eyes.
On the other hand
,
people
 make more and more money from these sites and young entrepreneurs are coming.
Besides
, the marketing industry is developing through these sites.
For example
, l buy
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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clothes from online
shop
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shops
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 often. Through these
apps
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apps,
show examples
 you can make many friends and talk to your
far away
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faraway
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 person. In
conculusion
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conclusion
,
lf
Correct your spelling
if
 teenagers
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 be for study or
business
Add a missing verb
do business
show examples
, they may use
this
 application. In fact, these apps are great if used correctly.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly by using clear and distinct paragraphs for each point of view. Ensure that your essay flows naturally from one point to the next with the help of linking phrases.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas with more detailed explanations and relevant examples, which will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion clearly and effectively summarizes your argument without introducing new ideas or opinions.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views presented in the topic, showing an understanding of the question and attempt to provide a balanced response.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, which attempts to summarize the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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