IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Schools should stop using books for teaching children as they find them boring and use films tv and computer instead. to what extent do you agree and disagree?

#schools #books #children #films #tv #computer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
 I really appreciate
conductong
Correct your spelling
conducting
this
 survey about
chools
Correct your spelling
schools
 should stop using
books
 for teaching children as they find them boring and use films
tv
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TV
show examples
 and
computer
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computers
show examples
instead
.I would like to agree using
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 is a great option for the following reasons.
Firstly
,I believe that teaching using
books
if
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is
show examples
 fundamental to
childrens
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children
show examples
,
besides
books
 are not up to date since there is a rapid change in technology.
For instance
, in resolving mathematical problems teachers will invest more time in mastering the solution .
Where as
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Whereas
show examples
 using
computer
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a computer
show examples
resolving
Change the verb form
to resolve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems would be easier and faster because of
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
 used in developing
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
Additionally
, Teaching using
books
 always
chidren
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children
 may be
overhelmed
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overwhelmed
due to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 limited
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teaching.When you use
computer
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a computer
show examples
childrens
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children
show examples
 are
sponge
Fix the agreement mistake
sponges
show examples
 to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 new things and find
interesting
Correct pronoun usage
it interesting
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to adopt new things in the environment .
Finally
,
Usage
Correct article usage
the Usage
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 of
books
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 more printing and leads to more cutting trees to manufacture the paper. Which causes
green house
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greenhouse
show examples
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 to the environment.Using computers in schooling will make
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
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 difference to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and
also
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 change in cognitive behaviour can be seen in
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
Submitted by swathi.neni1913 on

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introduction issues
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a clearer understanding of your position and what will be discussed in the essay.
support examples needed
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, cite particular studies or well-known cases where films and TV improved learning outcomes.
conclusion improvement
Provide a stronger conclusion to indicate clearly your final stance on the issue and summarize key points made in the essay.
engagement
The essay displays an enthusiastic engagement with the topic, which is evident in the personal opinions shared.
perspective introduction
The author effectively introduces technology as an exciting alternative to textbooks in education, which provides an interesting perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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