IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why this is the case? What can be done about this problem?

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In recent years,
although
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 there has been agricultural advancement, a vast number of people are suffering from starvation worldwide. I believe determining the causes of
this
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 issue could assist in finding effective solutions to overcome it. Proliferation of agriculture which has been taking place in developed countries could partly account for a shortage of
food
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 supply in developing ones. People who live in deprived areas are more likely to have limited access to their basic amenities.
Therefore
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, they find it difficult to provide their families with their basic needs compared with those of other countries which benefit from a higher standard of living.
Furthermore
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, poor nutritional eating habits in deprived societies have an adverse effect on their health which leads to reducing the efficiency of their work and study. To address
this
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 situation, the
governments
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 of developed communities should offer financial support
as well as
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 cutting-edge technological devices so as to assist
such
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 poor nations.
Consequently
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, a large amount of
food
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 would be provided for the residents of
such
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 countries. Since profits which are earned from agricultural trades might be spent for other purposes rather than
food
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 provision can
also
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 explain why society members are more likely to suffer from a lack of nutrition globally.
For instance
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, the majority of African parents fail to provide their children with sufficient
food
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.
As a result
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,
such
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 children would be more prone to health problems compared with their peers who live in other zones.
Moreover
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, authorities should enforce strict laws for
governments
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as well as
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 impose hefty fines for breaking the law.
Therefore
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,
governments
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 are encouraged to allocate a sizable budget to support low-income families. From a social perspective,
this
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 situation may bring poor people a sense of satisfaction, so it can boost the quality of their lives. In conclusion, even though improvement in developed societies and allocating lower amounts of money to
food
Use synonyms
 contribute to global starvation,
governments
Use synonyms
 can remedy the situation. In my opinion, helping poor nations and regulation are steps in the right direction.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay did a reasonable job in maintaining coherence and cohesion. However, it would benefit from clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to signal the structure of your arguments.
task achievement
You've managed to address the prompt quite well, providing a complete response to the question. To enhance the ideas, elaborate more on the examples and ensure they concretely support your argument. Each idea could be expanded with greater detail or a specific case study that precisely illuminates the point being made.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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