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Band 6

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT COMPETITION AT WORK, AT SCHOOL AND DAILY LIFE IS A GOOD THING. OTHERS BELIEVE THAT WE SHOULD TRY TO COOPERATE MORE, RATHER THAN COMPETING AGAINST EACH OTHER. DISCUSS BOTH VIEW

#people #competition #work #school #life
Cooperating at
school
 and
work
 is an essential topic to discuss and analyze. It is the most important topic discussed daily in the various places.
Otherwise
, it is controversial.
However
, it is important to speak about the pros and cons of
cooperation
 at
school
 and
work
. There are many distinctive benefits of
cooperation
 at
school
 and
work
. There are immense advances in most aspects of
cooperation
.
Firstly
,
cooperation
 at
school
 and
work
 helps to support each other and
work
 as a group or
team
instead
 of against each other, and that will impact in a positive way of
people
.
Secondly
, develop their learning skills, particularly in communication skills.
Thirdly
, cooperating at
school
 and
work
 may lead to quality results through seeking to
work
 as a group or
team
. These are the significant reasons why most workplaces and schools motivate
people
 to
work
 as a
team
 and cooperate.
On the other hand
, there are many disadvantages to cooperating at
school
 and
work
. One of them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that resilient
people
 may affected by lazy
people
. Facts in these fields have proved that has an impact on society.
Moreover
, working as a group or
team
 aims to cooperate may lead to various opinions and it will end with problems with each other.
Finally
, cooperating at
school
 and
work
 may lead to
feel
Verb problem
apply
show examples
unfairness in discussions. These are the major reasons why most
people
 prefer to
work
 in a competitive environment. In conclusion, cooperating at
school
 and
work
 has brought many benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
, likely to produce many negative effects at the
school
 and workplaces
Submitted by walkuwari11 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as real-world scenarios or studies to illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of cooperation versus competition.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each point is clearly linked to the central topic, avoiding minor digressions.
lexical resource
Avoid repetitive expressions and try to include some varied and precise language to enhance clarity and prevent redundancy.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of cooperation in schools and workplaces.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You successfully highlight key points that illustrate the significance of cooperation, which provides a comprehensive response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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