IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Every worker needs to feel comfortable in their professional environment in order to be prolific.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can only be achieved if the relations established between colleagues are close, which will lead to the perfect workplace. In my opinion, the priority of all human beings related to their professional lives, should not be to focus only on their job.
Firstly
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, the fact that coworkers are amiable and create strong bonds among the rest of the team, is positive for the enterprise as a whole.
In other words
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, only when the feeling of closeness and understanding is bonded between the staff members, they can act as a real team that wants to reach the same objective. In the long run, the good relationship between peers will be reflected in the enterprise’s achievements.
Then
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, working should not be the only and most important issue when talking about daily life in the office.
Secondly
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, a good reason to completely disagree with the mentioned statement is to understand the human being as an entity with feelings and needs. Meanwhile, many persons in directive charges tend to perceive workers as machinery that produces something, others put the focus on the human side. Indeed, every integrant of any department of a company must feel in a friendly environment to feel valued.
Due to
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 the globalized world we live in, sometimes we tend to forget about being empathetic and just highlight the importance of being productive.
To sum up
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, I completely disagree with the words that remark how important is to just work in your workplace, and forget about having a good relationship with the people you share a profession with.
This
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 is very insensitive and negative for any worker.

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relevant specific examples
Try giving more specific and relevant examples to support your main ideas. This will give your essay better clarity and depth, thus enhancing your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is commendable. Keep up the good work. However, it would be better if the thesis statement in your introduction were clearer. Moreover, while you restate your position in the conclusion, try summarizing the main points of your essay as well.
logical structure
While your ideas are logically organized, a slight improvement would be to make your argument progression more logically fluent. Work on your linking phrases to make the transition between your ideas smoother. This would help enhance the coherence and cohesion in your essay.
complete response
You responded to the task well and comprehensively covered the main aspects of the task. However, your response could be more complete if you discuss not only why establishing relationships are important but also the downsides, if any, of only focusing on work. This would give a more balanced point of view.
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