Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
The influence of the technology is rapidly growing day by day and it impacts all the fields of the world.
This
effect is seen not only in the
business, economy, education, space and navigationCorrect article usage
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
in people’s lives. In this
essay, the role of smartphonesphones
and their positive and negative sides are expected to be elaborated.
It is a fact that cellular Correct your spelling
smartphones
phones
become a crucial part of our life
. Some children allocate their all time to using telephones. They hang out playing different online games. Bright colours, the chance of texting with other people Fix the agreement mistake
lives
while
playing games, and virtual life can tempt juniors very easily. Making friends from various countries and even improving foreign language skills can be appreciated as positive aspects of mobile devices. Another boon is the use of mobile phones
in education including the possibility of joining online lessons without carrying any computers or laptops, the usage of downloading books everywhere in a simple way and the development of listening skills with the help of music or authentic materials.
However
, there are more drawbacks to using cell phones
than good sides. Spending hours every day on phones
, not leaving enough time to do home tasks or other activities, the unwillingness to make real friends, the ignorance of leaving the house and becoming a couch potato, facing some diseases such
as eye-weakness
, insomnia, amnesia, nervousness and obesity or the loss of appetite are just obvious facts.
Correct your spelling
eye weakness
To conclude
, cell phones
both with advantages and disadvantages can be regarded as an important and inseparable part of all from childhood to old. Despite all the negative effects juveniles is
going to continue to spend all their time on cellular telephones.Change the verb form
are
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coherence/cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly. You can use clearer topic sentences and linking words to guide the reader through your essay smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are supported with more detailed examples or evidence to enhance clarity and relevance. This will help make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence/cohesion
Your conclusion could be strengthened with a more explicit summary of the arguments presented and a clearer stance on whether the development is overall positive or negative.
coherence/cohesion
Your introduction successfully sets the stage for the discussion and outlines the key areas to be elaborated on in the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both aspects of the question, discussing reasons why children spend time on phones and evaluating it as both positive and negative.
task achievement
Good use of varied vocabulary and topic-specific language throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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