‏The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children ? Do you think this the best way to deal the problem ? what other solutions can you suggest ?

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In recent times obesity has increased. Some believe that

sports

Use synonyms

play an important role in people's lives.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

school

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should increase

time

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spent in the

school

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to reduce the

problem

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of overweight children. I think

this

Linking Words

would be beneficial for

students

Use synonyms

and has many positive impacts.

This

Linking Words

essay will outline the main causes of increasing the number of hours in spending more

time

Use synonyms

sports

Use synonyms

To begin

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, one of the first causes to be considered is that friendship plays a role in encouraging

students

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their weight.Doing

sports

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with peers may be helpful and enjoyable.

For example

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, my friend Fatma who suffered from obesity was able to reduce her weight with the help of her friend.

Thus

Linking Words

, it promotes a sense of collaboration between study Another possible cause can be is the

time

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Students

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can have more

time

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school

Use synonyms

rather than at home.

For instance

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Students

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time

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with are empowered to spend more their family at home and study for their

school

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. To address

this

Linking Words

problem

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, parental guidance has a significant role in advising their children to join in any

sports

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such

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as local

sports

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competitions in swimming, walking and playing football.

Furthermore

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, the governments have the priority to educate society about the negative impacts. of overweight. The result conducted at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of scholarships help individuals to know more about

this

Linking Words

problem

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. In conclusion, sport is an essential thing in people's lives.

Therefore

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, the governments should stop the idea of reducing the amount of

time

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on sport in the

school

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. I think that it is a good idea to spread the beneficial aspects of

sports

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and encourage

students

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to solve

this

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problem

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to prevent many health issues like diabetes and heart pressure.

13570581Sun Oct 06 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Work on organizing the ideas in a more structured manner. Some paragraphs are not clearly linked or logically connected.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that topic sentences in each paragraph clearly introduce the main idea. Some paragraphs lack clear focus.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more detailed examples and explanations to support the points made. For instance, discuss the impact of increased PE hours with more precise arguments.

Task Achievement

Clarify the main thesis and align each paragraph to reflect and support this central argument more directly.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction clearly states the problem and introduces the writer's perspective.

Task Achievement

The essay includes relevant examples, such as Fatma's story and the data from Glasgow University, supporting the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and echoes the importance of sports.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

287 words

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‏The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children ? Do you think this the best way to deal the problem ? what other solutions can you suggest ?

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people thimk that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important tham History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it

Some people believe that children who are brought up in families which don't have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up in wealthier families. To what extent do you agree or disagree.