IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?

#people #internet #gap #world #interaction
These days, technology has been developing really fast, so populations have access to a range of social
media
;
additionally
, a group of
people
 believe that social
media
 has a lot of
people
 in it that have interactions with each other;
as a result
, global inhabitants do not feel any gap. I subscribe to
this
 idea owing to the fact that social
media
 make a platform for visiting not only family but
also
 friends from other
countries
;
moreover
, we can improve tourist industries. On the one hand, social
media
 is the best choice for
people
 who migrate to other
countries
 or cities and are far from their families or friends inasmuch as they do not feel homesick.
In other words
, they are able to visit and call them
by
Change preposition
via
show examples
 social
media
, which has video calls, or calling items
such
 as Google Meet, Skype, and so on.
On the other hand
, it is crucial that social
media
 like TV, apps, and so forth create a space that aids
people
 to interact with other
people
 who live in other
countries
;
hence
, they can learn about their cultures and amazing parts of global customs;
therefore
, these kinds of information helps communities to have a travel to there areas for watching their traditional items as near;
furthermore
, these happenings is the main factor for developing tourists in the
countries
 which no
people
 know about.
To sum up
, in my opinion, social networking is the best innovation for helping
people
 enhance their knowledge about the world, and tourist industries, and lose the bad mental issues that are a result of faring from the
people
 whom we love.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
It is important to give more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when discussing how social media helps reduce homesickness, you might mention a real-life platform and a personal story or hypothetical example.
coherence and cohesion
Try to refine the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph clearly addresses a single idea or argument with a clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify some sentences to enhance comprehension. For example, break down complex sentences into simpler parts to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points about social interaction and the impact on tourism are relevant and well-organized within the essay.
task achievement
The use of specific terms related to social media (e.g., Google Meet, Skype) adds specificity and relevance to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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