Nowadays a large number of wild animals are under the threat of extinction. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

These days, we can see that the huge figure of creatures other than humans has reduced;
moreover
, a species of them died out.
This
essay discusses the main happening that creates
this
situation and how we can solve
this
matter. Unfortunately, Wilde's creatures are extinct for several reasons like not only deforestation but
also
hunting for a range of parts. On the one hand, overpopulation is the main reason that jungles are destroyed.
In other words
, when the global inhabitants increase, they need residential areas;
besides
, they are replacing their homes with forests;
hence
, wild
animals
lose the regions where they live; in fact, the score of these creatures reduces.
On the other hand
, a majority of particular
animals
are killed for the parts of their body inasmuch as some people like to wear special clothes, bags, and shoes that are made of
animals
' leather and fur.
This
issue can be solved with governments when they earn a great deal of money from people who hunt
animals
;
furthermore
, decrease the area of cities by building a number of apartments. On the one side, if authorities receive too much money from the businesses which use natural leather and fur in their production, they won't utilize these goods in their production; in fact, the number of
animals
that are killed for costumes fell. On the other side, It is important that governments change the houses to flats, having a large number of residents and the sectors that have are really fewer;
therefore
, people do not destroy the jungle to build residential regions.
To conclude
, In my opinion, wild
animals
can survive when humans do not kill them for their own good and catch their home;
additionally
,
this
problem can be solved by authorities' plans in the cities' houses and luxurious products.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples, such as particular animal species that are endangered and specific efforts or campaigns aimed at their conservation.
task achievement
Aim to explain ideas more clearly, especially when discussing solutions to the problem, to ensure they are comprehensive and logical.
coherence cohesion
Connect sentences more smoothly to improve the overall flow of the essay. For instance, using linking words between sentences and paragraphs can help to demonstrate the relationships between ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Develop the main points further with more detailed explanations to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the response effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the question, demonstrating logical organization.
task achievement
The topic of the essay is addressed, and key reasons for animal extinction and possible solutions are identified.

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