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Band 8

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #future #planet #species #support #life
Some scientists and researchers have suggested that the future of humanity hangs in the balance. Some say that the harm we have done to Earth’s climate, and the issue of overpopulation, mean that our only hope is to seek a new home
elsewhere
 in the galaxy.
However
, I would argue that it is our responsibility to look after our native world and try to fix the damage we’ve done, as it may be the only home we will ever have. Many climate change scientists have warned us that we are past ‘the point of no return’ with regard to global warming. The emission of greenhouse gases and the destruction of plant life in forests and oceans have impacted the climate in a way that cannot be undone.
In addition
 to
this
, the human population is expanding at
such
 a rapid pace that we will soon no longer be able to house and feed everyone.
Therefore
 many experts claim that the best solution would be to invest in technology which will help us start again on another
planet
. Yet
this
 attitude seems irresponsible. Treating the
planet
 like an old car to be replaced shows a lack of care about the environment and all life on Earth.
Furthermore
, unless we address our ecologically damaging lifestyles, we are likely to inflict the same harm on any other
planet
 we find. Rather than investing in space travel, we should be working towards becoming more environmentally friendly and protecting ourselves from the results of global warming,
such
 as flooding and the loss of agriculture.
To conclude
,
although
 our situation seems dire, mankind is responsible for the
planet
 that it evolved on. It has been our home for many thousands of years, and we must now dedicate ourselves to reducing the harm caused by human activity here, rather than searching for another
planet
 to ruin.
Submitted by 645119931 on

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task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your essay. You used general arguments about climate change and population growth, but specific data or case studies could increase the impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Sometimes the ideas could be more succinct, such as the switch between suggesting humanity's irresponsibility and the need for direct action.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction and conclusion that align well with the main points discussed throughout.
task achievement
You provided a thorough exploration of the topic, addressing both perspectives and offering a considered personal viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of ideas and smooth transitions between paragraphs help the reader follow your reasoning effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
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