In todays modern world, the pressure of modern life is negative. What is your opinion .

#todays #world #pressure #life

Homo- sapiens are living

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

contempory

Correct your spelling

contemporary

lifestyles. In

21st

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the 21st

show examples

century, the burden of contemporary life is impacting

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal and family relationships in

Change the article

a deletrious

show examples

deletrious

Correct your spelling

deleterious

manner.

According to

me,

that

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

kinds of pressures are built up

due to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of understanding and

also

due to

satisfying their desires.

Firstly

, the major reason behind the ruining of healthy

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

is that

people

are turning to be

money minded

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money-minded

show examples

. Getting into details,

due to

diverse competition

people

are trying hard to work around the clock to

satisy

Correct your spelling

satisfy

their lavish demands. Day by day,

expenditures

Correct article usage

the expenditures

show examples

of common

people

are expanding

due to

materialistic things.

Due to

this

people

are

contributing

Verb problem

spending

show examples

their most of

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

earning and conflicts arise within families

due to

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of communication and understanding.

According to

studies, almost 25% of

world's

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the world's

show examples

population opt

illegal

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for illegal

show examples

means to earn money to satisfy their needs but their families

suffered

Wrong verb form

suffer

show examples

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

due to

their illegal work.

Furthermore

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

another reason for the

above stated

Add a hyphen

above-stated

show examples

concern is that so many individuals are

abondoning

Correct your spelling

abandoning

their ethical values.

People

are devoting their

time

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show examples

securing their jobs.

Due to

hectic schedules, parents and youngsters are not spending quality

time

with each other,

that's

Correct your spelling

that is

show examples

why

relatonships

Correct your spelling

relationships

weakens

Correct subject-verb agreement

weaken

show examples

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

social media and

internet

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the internet

show examples

are influencing

people

greater

Add an article

a greater

show examples

pace and taking the place of their quality

time

. To support

with

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apply

show examples

factual data, a survey was conducted by

toronto

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Toronto

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university which concluded that around 70%

people

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of people

show examples

are

obssessed

Correct your spelling

obsessed

with social media platforms. So, mainly

people

are not investing their

time

in maintaining their relationships.

To conclude

, I would pen off by saying that

people

ought to implement moral values in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and

also

try to satisfy their worldly needs rather than luxurious needs.

Submitted by gursagarsingh1998 on Mon Oct 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Strengthen the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can improve this by using transition words and clearer topic sentences.

task achievement

Enhance the task achievement by ensuring all main points are fully explored and supported with more detailed examples.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task by discussing the negative impacts of modern life pressure on relationships and provides several supporting points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In todays modern world, the pressure of modern life is negative. What is your opinion .

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Technology is being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

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