IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree ir disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future #ir
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In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, the issue of saving
money
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 has sparked considerable debate.
This
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 essay aims to discuss both sides of the
arguments
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argument
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, it is an essential topic to discuss and analyze. On the other words, there is no denying that it is an important point.
Otherwise
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, it is controversial.
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 is important to speak about
pros
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the pros
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 and cons of saving
money
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 for
people
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. There are some distinctive benefits of saving
money
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.
Firstly
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, discipline to save
a
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apply
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money
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 from any
incomes
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income
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 every month leads to have good quality of life. There have been immense advances
of
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in
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 saving
money
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 in most aspects of life of
people
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.
Furthermore
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, it is active in every realm of
society
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.
Secondly
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, having
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society
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a society
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 without poverty or less poverty. It can be argued that saving
money
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 will influence on
positive
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a positive
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 way of
people
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.
Thirdly
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,
people
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 who aim to save
money
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they
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apply
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can
faced
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face
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 any financial obligations in the future.
For instance
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, as I am a student I faced a problem that was inevitable
that
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apply
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I had to pay
a
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apply
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course fees to the university, I understand the importance of saving
money
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, in
the
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apply
show examples
society
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many negatives of saving
money
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. One of them,
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people
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is people
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 who save
money
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 and
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 the
money
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 on
the
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apply
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life,
they
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apply
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usually feel unhappy.
Subsequently
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, it will produce dangerous problems like depression. Facts in
this
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 field have proved that it has an impact on
society
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.
Moreover
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, saving
money
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 will impact
on
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apply
show examples
the negative way of social relations. Some research proves that regularly causes substantial problems. Notwithstanding the significance of saving
money
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 sometimes it is detrimental.
Finally
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,
people
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 who do not save
money
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, cannot build a family in the future. In essence, these are the major reasons why a large number of
people
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 go to the other option. In conclusion, from my perspective, saving
money
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 has brought many benefits to
society
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, I firmly believe that all
people
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 should have a plan for monthly saving.
However
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, it is likely that produce many negative effects soon. Ultimately, the decision depends on
people
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how
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and how
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 they want to live in
the
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apply
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society
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.
Submitted by walkuwari11 on

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task response
When discussing the benefits and drawbacks of saving money, ensure that your main points are expanded upon with detailed explanations and relevant examples. For example, elaborate on how savings can lead to a better quality of life or relate this to specific circumstances individuals might face.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more logical structure, ensuring that the essay flows coherently from one idea to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to create clear connections between sentences and paragraphs to assist the reader. This will improve the overall flow and make your argument more persuasive.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of saving money, which is essential for providing a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present. The introduction clearly states the topic and the conclusion summarizes your opinions effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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