Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

#students #extra- #activities #university #clubs #sports #v

In the contemporary epoch of globalization, the education system illustrated significant changes. A wide range of extraordinary efficacies had been integrated into their classes, similar to sports and social clubs. In

this

essay, both pros and cons will be elucidated. On the

one

hand,

one

of the main advantages of these activities is communication skills.

This

skill will enhance. They will be able to cope with other people of distinct ages and areas.

One

of the sparked examples is Egypt. In Egypt, students are encouraged to join social clubs to help people in rural and slum areas.

This

is reflected in their attitude and makes them aware of other people.

In addition

, it will help them to improve their health and hygiene. They will do a lot of exercise.

This

can maintain their health.

Moreover

, if someone is gifted we will able to explore him at an early stage. seventy per cent of the Olympic players were discovered during their school

according to

research conducted by Manchester University.

On the other hand

, the first and foremost drawback is they will be disrupted during their school. They will not be able to focus on their studies and

this

will be demonstrated in their grades,

Furthermore

, they can be injured

while

playing any sport.

This

injury can make them unable to study and tackle to continue their year with the school.

Therefore

, in China, the Ministry of Education enforced a rule that students can only apply to sports activity

one

day per month to avoid any incidents and protect themselves. In conclusion, there will be a debate on

this

argument.

However

, the government should play a crucial role to balance between studying and playing.

This

can ameliorate the kids and improve the education system.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Mon Oct 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to provide more consistent logical flow between your paragraphs. For instance, use linking words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas across the essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear overall argument throughout the essay.

task achievement

While you have addressed both advantages and disadvantages, you could provide more depth to some ideas to ensure a comprehensive coverage of the topic.

task achievement

Sometimes the examples provided could be a bit more specific and closely tied to the points being made. Try to elaborate more to strengthen your task response.

coherence cohesion

You have successfully included an introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.

task achievement

You demonstrate an understanding of the topic by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

extra-curricular activities
soft skills
teamwork
leadership
communication skills
workplace
mental and physical well-being
stress
physical fitness
balanced lifestyle
academic performance
network
time mismanagement
academic responsibilities
financial strain
membership fees
equipment purchases
travel expenses

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Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

People in the current generations are not fit and active. What are the problems. What can be done to encourage people to participate in sports activities.

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and houses in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produces all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In some culture are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and more disadvantages of giving children these massages?