IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life, other people feel that other factors are important. Discuss both sides, what is your opinion?

#people #determination #factors #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
 suggest that if
people
 want to achieve
success
, they must strive to work, and
also
 make up their minds to advance toward their goals. Effort and determination are the most important factors which decide whether we can complete things.
However
, others think there are other significant causes that affect our road to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
.
People
 indicate hard work and perseverance are the fundamental elements. As they believe it is common sense for everyone that If someone does not
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 to choose, plan, and constantly step toward his or her destination, how could it be possible to attain the best result? In fact, there are other reasons why we can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
success
 in the dream, but if the outcome is not accompanied by industrious dedication and insistence, it is hard to assert the
success
 we obtain is authentic.
On the other hand
,
people
 who feel the key point to
success
 beyond those factors mentioned above argue that there is some paramount stuff that can not be overlooked.
For example
, some
people
's accomplishments originate from other's help.
Therefore
, the connection and the relationship with what kind of
people
 influence your career, deduction, and ambition. If
people
 you interact with shake your perseverant heart or if they can have an impact on your decisions, we all have to take them into consideration. In a nutshell, as far as I am concerned,
although
 everyone thinks
success
 can be made
as a result
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
show examples
 and a wholehearted attitude toward their achievement, the realization of the expected result not only counts on individual power but
also
 collaborative work with others and some exteriors.
Submitted by hayashidajinja820 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Expand on relevant examples to illustrate your points more vividly.
logical structure
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow between ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify ideas more thoroughly to present a clearer argument.
complete response
The essay addresses both viewpoints on what contributes to success, easing into a fair discussion.
introduction conclusion present
There is a purposeful introduction and conclusion which frame the argument adequately.
supported main points
The essay presents a consistent stance, maintaining an argument for hard work while recognizing other factors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • skill development
  • overcoming obstacles
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • grit
  • entrepreneurs
  • existing connections
  • industries
  • career paths
  • balanced perspective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: