The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other suggestions can you suggest?

#amount #time #sport #exercise #schools #children #suggestions

One of the most controversial issues today relates to the problem of overweight children.

While

some people support the idea that

sports

lessons time should be increased, I believe that a balanced

diet

is the first thing that should be fixed. In

this

essay, I am going to discuss why extra physical education classes are not the most optimal solution and provide a better alternative.

While

physical activity helps to gain muscles and reduce

weight

, it cannot solve the problem of obesity alone. As, by doing

sports

, people usually do not burn as many calories as they consume daily,

as a result

, it can demotivate youngsters as they do not achieve the desired result, which can lead them to abandon any physical activity in the future.

For instance

, if any student doesn't make any changes in his life,

such

as switching to a more balanced

diet

, except for going to the gym, he won't achieve the goal of losing

weight

. I believe that it is necessary that the

sports

activity should be combined with proper

diet

. That means that following a well-balanced

diet

, despite the

sports

, the speed of how the amount of fat in the body will be burnt will boost. Following the right proportions of all the nutrients in the

students’

Correct your spelling

student’s

show examples

daily life,

such

as 50% of greens, 25% of meat and 25% of carbs, would help them to reduce their

weight

rapidly.

For example

, there was an experiment in one of the local governmental schools in London, where the administration changed their usual menu to a well-balanced one month, and ,

as a result

, its students became fitter and healthier. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that

sports

activities at school help with the obesity problem among students, but a well-balanced

diet

also

a key factor that helps to reduce

weight

Submitted by zakhra.aliyeva2001 on Thu Jan 04 2024

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Coherence Cohesion

Clearer structuring of the essay into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion would improve the overall logical flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting sentences that further develop that idea.

Coherence Cohesion

The essay could benefit from a variety of cohesive devices to better link ideas between and within paragraphs. Using words or phrases to show contrast, addition, cause and result, etc., would enhance the reader's understanding of your argument.

Task Achievement

Task Response could be improved by ensuring that all parts of the question are addressed fully. The question in part asks for 'other suggestions' and those must be explicitly provided and developed to satisfy the task requirement.

Task Achievement

A more comprehensive approach is required; provide thorough support for your main points. Include not only examples but also explain their significance and how they relate to the argument to demonstrate clear and comprehensive ideas.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other suggestions can you suggest?

“Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.” To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, there is a push to get as many young people going to university as possible. To what extent do you think this effort is a worthwhile one? Do you think some people can benefit from not going to university?

Friendships can be very meaningful and special, but also very complicated. What are the qualities of a great friend? What are some things that can weaken a close relationship over time?

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides.