The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other suggestions can you suggest?
One of the most controversial issues today relates to the problem of overweight children.
While
some people support the idea that sports
lessons time should be increased, I believe that a balanced diet
is the first thing that should be fixed. In this
essay, I am going to discuss why extra physical education classes are not the most optimal solution and provide a better alternative.
While
physical activity helps to gain muscles and reduce weight
, it cannot solve the problem of obesity alone. As, by doing sports
, people usually do not burn as many calories as they consume daily, as a result
, it can demotivate youngsters as they do not achieve the desired result, which can lead them to abandon any physical activity in the future. For instance
, if any student doesn't make any changes in his life, such
as switching to a more balanced diet
, except for going to the gym, he won't achieve the goal of losing weight
.
I believe that it is necessary that the sports
activity should be combined with proper diet
. That means that following a well-balanced diet
, despite the sports
, the speed of how the amount of fat in the body will be burnt will boost. Following the right proportions of all the nutrients in the students’
daily life, Correct your spelling
student’s
such
as 50% of greens, 25% of meat and 25% of carbs, would help them to reduce their weight
rapidly. For example
, there was an experiment in one of the local governmental schools in London, where the administration changed their usual menu to a well-balanced one month, and ,as a result
, its students became fitter and healthier.
In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that sports
activities at school help with the obesity problem among students, but a well-balanced diet
is also
a key factor that helps to reduce weight
.Submitted by zakhra.aliyeva2001 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence Cohesion
Clearer structuring of the essay into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion would improve the overall logical flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting sentences that further develop that idea.
Coherence Cohesion
The essay could benefit from a variety of cohesive devices to better link ideas between and within paragraphs. Using words or phrases to show contrast, addition, cause and result, etc., would enhance the reader's understanding of your argument.
Task Achievement
Task Response could be improved by ensuring that all parts of the question are addressed fully. The question in part asks for 'other suggestions' and those must be explicitly provided and developed to satisfy the task requirement.
Task Achievement
A more comprehensive approach is required; provide thorough support for your main points. Include not only examples but also explain their significance and how they relate to the argument to demonstrate clear and comprehensive ideas.