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Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Some people opine that saving
money
 is vital for anyone in the world, including youngsters.
However
, others disagree with
this
 statement. In my opinion,
money
 is quite useful in our society, and if you have a great deal of it, you can use it for many purposes. I will explain why and give more details in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
money
 can buy the things you want, and if you have enough
money
,
then
 you can do it.
As a result
, many people wish to have a big fortune.
However
, they usually do not have high-paid jobs, invest in any kind of financial products, have rich families, and so on. I personally believe that earning
money
 and saving it early will be a good method to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 our dreams. Another point I would like to mention is insurance. We do not know what will our future be like.
Hence
, preparing some funds for it will be better for emergencies. Medical fees are very costly all over the world, and buying more insurance policies may not be helpful for it. You may not only encounter illness but
also
 face disasters in your whole life. Having some depositing
money
 is pretty beneficial for crises. In a nutshell, we can use
money
 to purchase almost everything on earth.
Therefore
, to save
money
 for those things is one of our dreams. Life is risky, and no one can tell you what will happen next.
However
, with prepared
money
, you can cover those losses.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your points, you might consider adding more specific examples. For instance, discussing how young people saving money could directly affect life decisions related to education or career choices.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence of your essay, try to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transitional words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay effectively.
task achievement
You grasp the importance of the topic and address key reasons why saving money is beneficial.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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