IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens’ health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #citizens’ #health #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Citizens are concerned about how the
government
Use synonyms
 is spending their tax
money
Use synonyms
 when it comes to their
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that medical
research
Use synonyms
 should get more
money
Use synonyms
 as compared to environmental
research
Use synonyms
 programs.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
people
Use synonyms
 believe in spending more on healthcare
research
Use synonyms
 than on protecting the environment. On one hand, it is crucial to spend
money
Use synonyms
 on medical
research
Use synonyms
 because of the
lives
Use synonyms
 it can save. expected to contribute more to
research
Use synonyms
 related to
health
Use synonyms
 after the pandemic. During lockdown, countries like the USA and China spend millions on the
research
Use synonyms
 of the COVID-19COVID-19 virus to develop an effective vaccine. With the help of vaccines, millions of
lives
Use synonyms
 across the world were saved.
That is
Linking Words
 why
people
Use synonyms
 expect their
government
Use synonyms
 to contribute more to
health
Use synonyms
research
Use synonyms
 to save more
lives
Use synonyms
 from dangerous diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, environmental hazards should not be overlooked as they result in more
health
Use synonyms
-related concerns.
For example
Linking Words
, global warming is one of the major issues that leads to the destruction of the ozone layer which causes skin cancer.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, air pollution is another environmental problem leading to lung diseases
such
Linking Words
 as asthma.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 keeps overlooking global warming and air pollution-related issues, sooner majority of
people
Use synonyms
 will suffer dangerous
health
Use synonyms
-related problems.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 must provide aid to environmental-related
research
Use synonyms
 centres. In conclusion, I believe that it is equally important for the
government
Use synonyms
 to spend tax
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 and the environment.
Research
Use synonyms
 in both sectors plays an important role in saving the
lives
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 directly and indirectly.
Submitted by sandhuarsh1320 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Consider a more nuanced introduction that immediately addresses your stance on the issue, ensuring that readers know your position from the beginning.
Body Paragraph
In your body paragraphs, aim to develop your main points further. For each point made, try to include a specific example or piece of evidence that directly supports it. This approach not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more persuasive and informative.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Utilize transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs and within them. This technique can significantly improve the readability and logical flow of your essay.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay by clearly restating your stance and summarizing the main points of your argument. A well-crafted conclusion can significantly impact the reader's understanding and retention of your argument.
Balanced Argument
Throughout your essay, maintain a balanced approach to discussing the issue. While it's clear you see the importance of both healthcare and environmental research, make sure your argument doesn't disproportionately favor one over the other unless explicitly stated as your stance. Achieving this balance demonstrates your ability to critically evaluate and discuss complex issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral obligation
  • advanced treatments
  • economic benefits
  • workforce
  • healthcare costs
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • comprehensive benefits
  • investment
  • global sustainability
  • long-term health security
  • disease proliferation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: