IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that government should spend money to promote arts as compared to other section such as health care and education. Discuss your opinion.

#people #government #money #arts #section #health #care #education
This
 is a challenging topic for me, but I
complety
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with the idea that the government should spend money to promote
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 it is
necesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for finding new expressions ways of feelings or opinions. A
country
 with promoted arts is a place where citizens can find spaces to express
politicals
Change the noun form
political
show examples
 opinions and make important changes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
First,
in some cases around the world the arts have helped to make
significants
Correct your spelling
significant
show examples
 changes in the political field of a
country
,
for example
 in Colombia between Duque´s
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 many artistics young groups opened the
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 new meetings
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the political situation that the
country
 was living in that years.
Second,
an
importat
Correct your spelling
important
 point that
art
 has
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is the
oportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to explore new ways of expression, ideas and feelings, where if a person suffers
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
anxietity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 could be a good idea for taking care of the
mind
Change noun form
mind's
show examples
 health and express the ideas that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the brain.
For example
, when I have an
axietity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 attack, the embroidery
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a type of
art
, always has helped me to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and keep calm in that moments and thanks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that I have created
manificants
Correct your spelling
magnificent
 creations.
To sum up
,
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 only other
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
such
Change preposition
as pyshical
show examples
pyshical
Correct your spelling
physical
psychical
 health care and education are important for a
country
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 is
esencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 too,
for
Correct word choice
and for
show examples
 that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 government should spend money to
pormote
Correct your spelling
promote
 it.
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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grammar
Focus on improving grammar and spelling to enhance clarity and precision. For example, ensure the use of correct verb forms and double-check spelling mistakes.
introduction
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your position and briefly mentioning the main points you will discuss.
conclusion
Conclude by summarizing the main points effectively and reinforcing your opinion or stance for a strong finish.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, particularly the reference to Colombia's political situation.
task achievement
The paragraph discussing the personal experience with art and anxiety is insightful and adds depth to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively discusses the role of art in society, thereby addressing the task.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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