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Band 6.5

Many young people leave their own countries to work abroad. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working abroad and give your own opinion

#people #countries #work
Working as a
worship
Replace the word
worshiper
show examples
 and finding a job today has become a kind of miracle. So many young people are seeking work opportunities in new places and leaving their families and friends, It is true respecting family cohesion and lasting friendships is important, and perceiving them becomes rare.
However
, there are lots of advantages of working in faraway places. Anyway, I will try to illustrate both sides. The advantage of working at a distance from your family and friends is focusing on your goals and concentrating on your tastes so you will not only gain
experience
 but
also
 you will achieve success,
furthermore
, you can build a new friendship and know new people,
not to mention
 that you will have full freedom, no family structures, and that will put you in the high responsibility zone, ultimately you will be a responsible independent person, and for sure
this
experience
 you affects on your personality and maintain it in a better way.
on the other hand
, the disadvantages are many,
such
 as you will miss your family, and miss all the family and friends occasions, you will be alone maybe for a
while
 or it could be the whole period,
also
 you will miss the family's bits of advice, and your decision will have a great lake of wisdom and
experience
,
in addition
, when you come back you will feel that you are stranger and lots of you connections between you and your family and friend are broken.
last
 but not least, even working in far places will cause emotional harm but at least you will get lots of
experience
, and prepare your skills for a second stage in your career but you will miss something that cannot be replaced. if you consider
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 for work just a short of time, you will find the days pass through as fast as the wind, hopping to gather once again with your lovers.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly addresses a specific point, and transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Develop the conclusion further to summarize the main points and present a clear final opinion, as this will strengthen the conclusion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of working abroad, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure to the response.
task achievement
The essay touches on important personal aspects of working abroad, such as gaining independence and responsibility.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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