IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Use synonyms
Health
Add an article
The health
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 of the citizens is crucial to any country’s government and devising ways to keep up or improve it is equally important.
While
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 some say that increasing the number of
sports
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 amenities is a must, others believe
this
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 to be an ineffective solution and encourage
for
Change preposition
apply
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other methods.
Although
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 building up
such
Linking Words
facilities
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 can help to a certain extent, I believe the latter would be more beneficial because
diet
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the diet
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 is a crucially important facet of
health
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 and
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
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 of
sports
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 centres alone would not suffice. On the one hand, it is understandable why some people would make a direct correlation of
health
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 with
facilities
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. In cities, these days, it is very uncommon to find a playground or park to play around or go for a walk.
This
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 might be concerning for parents as their children don’t have a place to play
sports
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 like badminton or cricket in the evening and
as a result
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, might be forced to stay back at home, impacting
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health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
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.
For example
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, in Nagpur, a small
sports
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-cum-playground complex for the public was opened up recently, resulting in some influx of visitors and promoting
healthy
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a healthy
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 lifestyle to a certain extent.
On the other hand
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,
health
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 cannot be alone improved by
exercises
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exercise
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. One of the primary factors contributing to good
health
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 is diet. No amount of workout or outdoor activities can ensure a healthy body
untless
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unless
 it is assisted with rich food consisting of protein, complex carbohydrates, fibre, and vitamins in sufficient proportions. Governments need to work on providing services to promote the culture of healthy eating through adverts or some programmes in local communities.
For example
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, a gym-cum-park built in the outdoors of Mumbai in 2022, has been abandoned by the daily visitors
due to
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 lack of motivation or time. Many
such
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 parks or
facilities
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 have
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
 been built and now lying almost unused,
due to
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 lack of discipline, motivation and other factors which
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
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 on to prove that other measures are more important. In conclusion, it is important for the countries to devise methods in the domain of healthy food and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
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 up the motivation in raising the
health
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 index of citizens rather than just building the
sports
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facilities
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.

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task achievement
Ensure all main points directly address the task, considering different perspectives on the effectiveness of sports facilities versus other health measures.
task achievement
Include more varied examples or data to support points, reinforcing your argument with evidence beyond individual anecdotes.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear links between paragraphs to create a seamless flow of ideas, enhancing the essay's readability and logical progression.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion establishing a clear position on the topic, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Uses a logical structure that distinguishes between the two views and presents a personal opinion with supporting arguments.
task achievement
Includes relevant examples to illustrate points, offering concrete support for abstract ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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