IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some peope say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#peope #people #advertisements #sources #information #products
These days, every time you turn on the TV or flick through the pages of a newspaper, you see the news about the posting and promotions of different
brands
 and
products
. The question arises in our mind, what is their role in the life of
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
? Many individuals
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that these
posting
Change the determiner
postings
show examples
 are
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of motivating people to purchase their
products
,
while
 other assumes that these promotions
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 the details of the items. I completely agree with the ideas and will support my opinion in the essay with examples. Commencing the first idea,it is the fact that the advertisements of
brands
 or items,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to the buying of those
products
. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media users come across
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same posts, it grabs their
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
 and sometimes unintentionally they buy these
products
. Most of the time they purchase things they do not even need.
This
 is mostly common in females. They want to try
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
that is
 posted on the internet, without knowing their worth.
For instance
, clothing
brands
 grab their attention the most and
this
 is the reason the average buyers of the
brands
 are females. Moving to the other idea, it is said that every promotion about the
products
 contains
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of information in it.
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
 online shopping
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 made things easier for the residents, as they do not spend huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 on traveling,
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 they prefer to shop online because every brand gives detailed
description
Fix the agreement mistake
descriptions
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each product. Before buying, people read the information about the fabric of clothes or ingredients
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 in the selling item. Let's take the example of a girl buying beauty
products
, mostly face serums.As they
preffer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 Vitamin C serums with
hylaronic
Correct your spelling
hyaluronic
 acid in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
While
 buying it she reads the details provided in the post, if the serum contains all the things that she
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
then
 she
purchase
Correct subject-verb agreement
purchases
show examples
 it and if not
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 she
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 for
ulternative
Correct your spelling
alternative
brands
.
Hence
, it is proven from the above arguments, that no doubt
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 are important. So times it is a source of
grabing
Correct your spelling
grabbing
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
show examples
 of consumers
whereas
 sometimes it contains
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of details about the selling item which makes buying easier
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the purchasers.
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further and explain them thoroughly to enhance clarity and depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and make better use of linking phrases to improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines the main perspectives to be discussed.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly gender-related shopping behaviors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: